MEN DON’T NEED DIRECTIONS ©

It is an established fact. A true fact. We men really don’t need directions.

I saw this was very evident not long ago.

The man was acting if indeed he was listening to what I took to be his wife. She told him to remain where he was and soon she would return and they would leave the store. She made it very clear that she did not wish to have to look him up.

All this time he simply nodded in agreement.

She made it pass the bread and frozen dinners and he drifted off to the computer section. This was too good to pass up so I drifted off behind him. He looked at labels, music, programs for computers and asked the clerk a few questions. In my mind really important questions. Not complex questions. I reckon you might call them a notch above idle conversation.

He drifted over to the car stereo section and for a moment fiddled with the control knob on the volume that some one had left blaring out some Rap like sound that I could not understand. It only took him a few seconds to get the volume down and to a more suitable station. He quickly drew the admiration of some of the people around him.

Glancing at his watch, a smile crossed his lips. Only a brief smile but nevertheless it was there. He almost took a step back in the direction where she had left him but decided against it. Strolling along an aisle he read with interest an oil label, car wax label, inspected a funnel and almost carried a bottle of transmission fluid with him but put it back.

Apparently he saw the lady, for he cut thru the shirt and tie section and stood looking at a pair of coveralls. The kind that zip up at the leg bottom. It was a basic brown in color and had a hood that could be detached.

I was trying not to be obvious. There were a lot of people in the store and I felt fairly well concealed behind the glove wall.

He carried the coveralls with him to a lady that worked in the store. He approached this lady and said the following “There is going to be a lady in a red sweater and jeans coming this way; she is probably going to buy some coveralls. She always buys them too small. Please encourage her to buy a larger size. Tell her they run smaller than they look. The point is, they are for me and I will want to wear them immediately and not have to return them next week.” The sales lady opened her mouth as if to say something. He continued “ If you do this it would save a lot of problems. You see, she always buys things too small, especially in clothes and we always have to return them. This will make her feel really good.”

With that he left.

Certainly I wanted to follow him to see if he was reprimanded when his wife returned. But I stayed.

Sure enough, a lady wearing a red sweater and jeans came slowly down the aisle and had coveralls in her hand. She and the sales lady talked for a few minutes. The sales lady prevailed. She did an excellent job of displaying, communicating and selling.

The lady bought.

She also had someone with her to go thru the checkout line. She returned to greet her husband and with smiles on both faces, they began to talk of getting something to eat.

You see ladies; we men are really smarter than you think. Or at least this guy was/is. He represented the male species well. I am proud to walk among the likes of him.

(Added 12/26/05)

CHRISTMAS AND CLEOUTUS,
SHOPPING FOR THE WIFE ©

He was deep in concentration. So I just let him think. I rubbed Quennie Jr. on the head and looked in her ears. Quennie Jr. moaned and looked at me as if to say” Well Done”

Cleotus Allegood looked up too and sighed. “Just don’t know what to do, Ren. Just don’t know what to do. The Old Lady done told me that she wuz expecting more this year than before. Kain’t understand them wommin. Last year she wuz plum tickled with the ’lectric fence box she shore has used it too. Kept the spotted sow out of the road. Them thangs ain’t cheap neither.”

I told my friend that I knew the price of a good one and that he was correct, they were not cheap. I also knew he was still thinking. So I let him think.

“Kain’t thank of much else she needs. Got her a pair of red rubber boots a time back. Weren’t no special occasion. Just felt like I would do somethin’ nice. Them others were ‘bout wore out.” Cleoutus mumbled. “ Reckon I‘ll need to think of somethin’ else. Got any ideas Ren ?”

I thought a minute or so and with careful wordage I said this.

“Well you know Cleoutus some women like different things. Some like a good smelling perfume. Some a box of candy, but knowing your wife as I do I’ll bet she wants something special just from you”

“Whar is yo mind, Ren? I kain’t believe you said somethin’ like that. That woman don’t want no perfume or candy. That ain’t practical atall. Goodness, Ren, what are you thanking’?” Cleotus said and looked at me. “If I'm gone git her anythang it will be somethin’ she can use and enjoy.”

We sat there and talked some small talk. We discussed if the specks were biting at the millpond and if it might be a cold winter.

Then Cleoutus stood up and slapped his hands together and said” I got it Ren. Something from me and special too. I’m shore glad I come to see you fer a minute. Even tho you have got some per-que-ye -ler ways of thankin’. No wonder you still ain’t married.”

He smiled some more. “I’m gone git her a new pair of work gloves and a new file fer the chain on the chain saw. Now that’s somethin’ personal and practical. Bet she’s gone be surprised fer shore. Gotta go, Ren .The feed store is closing and I want to git there ‘afore dark. Yes sir bet she’s gone be surprised fer shore.”

I wished my friend well and told him to come back soon. But in my mind, somehow, I doubt his wife is going to be surprised.

Merry Christmas to all and Good Night Starshine.

(Added 12/18/05)  

CLEOTUS, VIENNA SAUSAGE AND THE MICROWAVE ©

“He pulled into the yard, looked at my truck, rolled his Red Man around in his mouth and let out a long sigh. “ Jest glad you ain’t hurt more’n you wuz” my friend Cleotus Allegood said.

“I heard you got tail ended some. You feelin’ better?” He asked.

I told him I was sore and had a headache and neck ache and I hoped all would be o k .

“ Shore hope so, Ren, them act-see-dents can be just awful. Bobby Earl said his uncle was tail ended some time back and ain’t been able to do nothin’ but fish some and watch t v ever since. It can just ruin a man’s life. Bobby Earl’s uncle still gits the misery in his back ever so often. “ Cleotus surmised.

Cleotus looked at the truck and was quiet for a minute or so. I let my friend have his time because I knew he was thinking of something important.

He looked at Quennie Jr. and spoke. “ Say Ren, you eat Vienna Sausage don’t you?”

I nodded my head yes.

“Well you know I like ‘em to stay on the dash of the truck or sit in the sun fer a while before I eat ‘em. When they git warm it helps to keep the juice in the can so as you can eat ‘em. They jest plain good that a way. A feller can sop the can. with a soda cracker or a piece of bread” Cleotus proclaimed.

“But The Ole Lady’s sister done tole her that eatin’ then like that weren’t

good fer you. She said to put ‘em in the microwave and warm ‘em and then pour off the juice. Said it were better fer the heart and the body. Kain’t imagine where she heard that kinda talk. Probably down at the beauty parlor. You knowed The Ole Lady’s sister took to goin’ down there a couple a times a week just to read them newest magazines that come in. The Ole Lady said we were goin’ to eat better than we been eatin.” Cleotus had a touch of anxiety in his voice.

“They aren’t much more better eatin’ than what we do. We eat purtty good. Fish, collards, sweet ‘taters corn bread and side meat. Ain’t much better eatin’ than that ’cept in the sprang when them fresh vegetables come in.” He went on.

I knew what his wife was saying but I would never interfere with the Cleotus Allegood household. I mentioned something like we all needed to eat better and Cleotus nodded in agreement with me.

Quennie Jr. groaned and looked at Cleotus. The she loaded in the truck. She knew it was time to go.

“Hope I ain’t bothered you none with my problems , seein‘ as how you got problems of yore own. Hey you need to go some where jest let us know, me and The Ole Lady be glad to take you anywhere. You know that.”

I told him I knew that and thanked him for it.

He fired the truck off and the last thing I could hear from him was something about “next thang you know we gone have to pour the oil in the sardine can out. Can‘t eat that neither. I shore do like ‘em with a soda cracker.”

And goodnight Starshine, you know I love you.

(Added 11/24/05)

CHITTLINGS AND CORNBREAD
AND OTHER STUFF TOO ©

My friend Doyle Gray and The Siggsby Kid, George Whitfield, were talking of food. I jokingly asked The Kid if he was on any special diet as to the upcoming fight. He responded that chittlins and cornbread had always served him well with a pot of collard pot-liquor as the main course.

Doyle winked at me and said “that he always admired a man that trained well”

From that we began to reminisce a little about how we used to eat. Not in the last 10 years but as young ‘uns coming up. We all talked of the off the yard fried chicken. I told them that we ate so much chicken on Sunday that when Uncle Turner’s ton and a half truck could be heard coming up the road, the chickens squawked and ran for the corn patch, hen house, trees or any where ever else they thought they would be safe.

Boiled hog jowl and turnips, although George preferred neck bones with his, Doyle liked the fried green tomatoes and black-eyed peas. And me, well I was happy to discover one day that a chicken had more than a back, neck, or wing. You see the ‘men folk’ fixed their plate first, then the women and finally us young ‘uns.

Oh, I’m not complaining. My Mama could fix the absolute best thin layer corn bread that ever graced a table, bar none. And a pot of chicken and rice was a specialty that was all hers. There were plenty of other vegetables, and some meats. Somebody usually brought some pork and tomatoes. Uncle J.T would bring a bakery made coconut cake. It was good but could not compare to my sister in law Helen’s coconut cake. Helen had a gift in the kitchen, as is evident by her offspring. I am not one of her offspring but I did eat well from my brother’s wife ’s table, I will leave it at that. I have to mention the mashed potatoes as well. Just delicious.

Now my brother Charlie’s, wife Marilyn could and I reckon still can make the best baked ham anywhere. Anywhere. Anywhere in the world.

There was always dressing. Sometime it was so hard we boys would slip some of it down to the pond after dinner and skip it across the pond. We never told anyone. That would have resulted in severe chastisement.

My sister Peggy could fix a peanut butter cake that could compare to a king’s table. And my other sister had a hand on potato salad that was good. The best part was, there were no onions in the potato salad.

I listened to my two friends talk of the wildlife they once ate. And how somehow the taste had gotten away over time. We all like fish as much as ever. Vegetables too. But the squirrel was not as good as it once was. The ‘Possum and ‘Tater had lost its appeal. Quail was o k and it seemed the Dove had somehow subsided in taste. One liked the taste of deer mixed with some pork to make a sausage. I never acquired a hunter’s taste for deer, duck, geese, or wild turkey. Although I ate some buffalo that was not so bad.

We reminisced for some time.

I think we all enjoyed what once was.

And with a tad of advice, enjoy those gatherings now, for one day they will be past, never to return.

Good night Starshine, you know I love you.

(Added 11/24/05)

THE FIGHT-ROUND 4 ©

“Sure it’s still on” said The Summerlin Road Brawler “ Anytime, anywhere. Just because I’m busy in the fields right now don’t mean the fight is off.”

By all reports The Siggsbee Kid had come out of reclusion. Many rumors have swarmed around. For the last week or so The Kid has been spotted back down at the Wednesday cow sale.

When asked if he was ready, he simply replied” I can whip a hog pen full of them Summerlins and keep the gate shut at the same time. I’ll be ready when they get ready. My second , Jimmy Dykes, is ready. We ready.”

While Dykes could not be contacted for comment, it was rumored that old feelings might erupt between himself and The Brawler’s second, Bill Lewis. Apparently the feelings go way back to the soybean field incident. While all involved are keeping pretty quiet about it, this reporter could tell that something was simmering just beneath the surface. Mention soybeans around either and you can almost see the blood pressure rise. I am not sure what happened there but it had to be awful.

We tried contacting Lewis but he too was not available.

We do know for a fact that The Kid has had some surgery on his right eye. “ I can see better than I have in years, this fight won’t be but a minute anyway. The only thing is that I’m not supposed to get any dust in it for a while. But I ain’t worried; that Brawler is the one that is going to be in the dust. Probably will be there a while.” The Kid was confident. “Lewis is going to have to carry him to a water hole somewhere to revive him. I would hate to be him.”

“Well, he can claim eye surgery if he wishes, fact is, he is just plain scared of what might happen to him. I ain’t saying this for a fact but the rumor is that he had to get the steroids flushed from his system. Again this is only what is been floating around the circuit.” The Brawler calmly stated.

Contacting all parties has not been easy. Between the cotton and peanut fields The Brawler has been difficult to locate. He did have some words for us and we are thankful.

The Kidd, we know for a fact, truly has had eye surgery and has been out of commission for a while. However he is recovering fast.

The Kidd went on to say “ I don’t want to take advantage of my opponent, if he needs a few days to rest up after this harvest season, I understand completely.”

The Brawler only clinched his jaw and muttered “Rest. He’s the one that’s going to get a rest.”

We can only hope that this fight does not split the community. But it is too late to call it off. Pride and more is on the line.

One more rumor, The Kid might have picked up a sponsor. We wonder who it might be?

And on another matter, Goodnight Starshine. You know I love you.

(Added 11/19/05)

A COUNTRY DIVIDED ©

It looked for a time that we had forgotten our differences and rallied around the Katrina victims. That surely was a good rallying point. People from everywhere gave. In fact they gave so much that according to the news, donations to many organizations are down.

But what a rally it was.

Too bad that time is past.

The country has been divided, I think, since the last elections. President Bush did not win by a landslide. Nor Did Senator Kerry lose by one either. The election was close. There was some talk of election fraud in Ohio but that went away. Even going back four years to the last presidential elections and the Florida debacle, well, from that time on it seems a great widening was coming.

Take you pick. Iraq is certainly a focal point. Some said it was the thing to do. Others differed. That argument is in vogue today. Not only on t v but also in the living rooms and at dinner tables does Iraq get a mention. I have a grandson that is near to the age of some that are there. I would certainly hate to lay him in the cold cold ground. But there are some that feel differently. They feel that it is the proper thing to do. They have that right. They need to have that right of _expression. I so well remember when I learned the location of Viet Nam. It was when they sent Lynwood Murphy home in a box. The first from Colquitt County to give his life there.

I pray for the soldiers and all others involved. I do. I pray that the people of Iraq will get their act together and soon. Then we can get our people out. It is no longer so important how we arrived there. The important thing is we are there and the sooner we give the country back to the Iraq people so they can govern themselves, I think we will all sleep better at night.

The economy is certainly a conversation point. Gas prices and all other prices get knocked around quite a bit. I don’t think anyone has all the answers to these questions. We have gotten soft to an extent here in the U S A. Maybe we deserve what comes our way. Years ago we should have demanded and accepted nothing less than an alternate source of energy. It is there folks, we just have to go get it.

There is talk of corruption in The White House. I make no accusation about this. I am far removed from Washington and thankfully so. We saw plenty of the raw side of corrupt politics during the Watergate saga. The feeling seems to be “Well these guys just got caught” or “All are bad”. And soon another argument comes out.

A side note here, would not term limits solve some of these problems? Not if you are in office - it does not solve anything.

As Supreme Court justices are nominated the first thing the news asks is their position on abortion. This is always an argument from country stores to grocery stores to sports events. An ongoing argument. Never ending.

There is a division. One can say yes or no but it is there. The President is the flash point, I agree. On his defense, Katrina was not of his making. Although out of it came a scary and truthful point. FEMA is not a place for political appointees. In fact there is no place for political appointees. The people in these offices should be qualified. Maybe the lesson is learned. The FEMA situation was remedied pretty soon with someone on the ground that knew what they were doing.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t have the solutions.

But prayer ain’t a bad place to start.

And another matter: Goodnight Starshine , You know I love you.

(Added 11/06/05)

IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME BUT;
IT WAS THE NIGHT THE MOON ECLIPSED IN QUINCY FLORIDA ©

As the story goes, it was a good idea. Take a much-needed day and go to the coast and fish for a day. To relax, to enjoy the other’s company and to do a little male bonding.

Honestly, I don’t know who put the trip together. I can not say if it was a spur of the minute thing or if it was planned. All I know is that it happened and some fish were caught.

The morning of the departure one could almost see it coming. The jesting, joking, bragging of who would catch the most fish. Who indeed might catch the most. A true man thing. A wonderful thing.

It is a time when there is only one rule. There are no rules and everyone plays accordingly.

Ladies this is far from a Tupperware Party or A Home Interior Gathering. This is serious stuff.

These men left early and had fun on the way to the coast. They were talking back and forth on the radios and phone. Some going so far as to state “if he did not catch any fish then there was no fish in the ocean.”

Anyway, you get the idea. Bragging rights were surely on the line. In fact the future pecking order of those involved could very well have been established that day.

Off before dawn and at their destination at what was said at ‘just the right time’.

The story was told that one of them even tested the wind to make sure the fish would be on the correct side of the boat. An old mariner’s custom I am sure.

The day spent, fish caught, the trip home.

Wonderful male bonding. The drive became a little boisterous I am told. With one truck pulling in front of the other and not letting the other pass. Words were exchanged in a good naturedly manner of ‘I will run him off the road ‘ or ‘when we get in front again we will slow down and he can’t pass.’

Then the idea.

“Hey pull up beside him and I will lower my pants and he can get a full moon.” What a good idea. This had not been done on this trip and this would be the ultimate bash. Getting mooned in Quincy Florida. What a story to tell the folks back home.

As the moon began to arise and about the time it was full, there was a flashing of lights. The lights were red and blue and they were going round and round. They also were attached atop a car. A police car.

Needless to say, the moon went into total eclipse.

As I understand it, the policeman made quite a fuss about the whole thing. Not only was a dim view taken but he said words like ’childish’, ’not in my town’, ’what do you think you are doing’ and other phrases. The last one being “ You boys need to get back to Georgia and cut all this stuff out.”

They begged apologizes and told the officer it would not happen again and did indeed return to Georgia in a more somber mood. I think as they crossed the Georgia line it became less dramatic and a few more antics were done but the moon did not arise again during the trip home.

A total eclipse in Quincy Florida.

(Added 11/02/05)

ONCE UPON A TIME
AND IT WAS SO ©

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, there lived constituents. These constituents were ordinary people in many ways. There was the usual griping and grumbling about such things as taxes, use of tax money, roads, politics and other matters.

All of this is expected in a land where the constituents are free to speak their minds on different and varied subjects. They also are allowed to have input in some matters. Input even while the rulers are in session.

One day one of the rulers said “Let us have a land use ordinance.”

“What a wonderful idea” said the others.

“But wait, we do not know what we want” said one.

“No matter “ came the reply ”We will hire someone that is not from here to tell us what we want and need. We will use the tax money to hire these people. After all, we are the rulers and if we do not know what we want or need what chance does a constituent have of knowing what is wanted or needed.?”

“But how will we enforce this?”

“By permits. All must have a permit.”

And it was so.

There was a meeting and some of the constituents came. They came from many parts of the county. Some voiced much concern about the new ordinance. There was much conversation. Loud voices. Even the rulers did not have all the answers.

It seems that in the ordinance a homeowner could not add a room, build a carport, keep a horse on less than two-acre lot and much more. All had to have a permit. And these permits come from a land use officer.

Some of the constituents were worried. “ Can I build a doghouse? Is that a building? Can I put in a pool? Does any of these people have a rural background? Can I let my children have a place to live? What if I have six children and they all wish to build a home.?” There were many worries.

One constituent said that the way he read it, If he made an addition to his home with out a permit, then the Officer could ask the Electric people to turn off service. Do the rulers have the power to turn off service to someone that is current on his bill?

Then the constituents asked ”Who is the Planning Commission.? Is everyone represented? Should not each voting district have a representative?”

There were many questions. There was much talk among the constituents. Many constituents expressed alarm, anger, disappointment and other emotions.

What can be done?

“We can register and vote and change rulers?” Said one

And it was so.

(Added 10/21/05)

IT WAS A GOOD RIDE ©

The Braves made it into the playoffs. I thought they might. And as I said in an earlier story, they were fun to watch. The younger guys, in instances, showed their age. Swinging at strikes out of the strike zone and such. But, just think, hopefully they will be back next year.

I will admit that I was one of the ‘nay-sayers’. I did not think this team would make it to where it was. But they did. Of course Houston is tough. St Louis is tougher though I think.

A Yankee fan, I am not. I don’t apologize That is the way it is with me.

Back to the Braves. When they did not sign J. D. Drew this past season I thought “Oh no, how could they not?” But John Schuerholtz and Bobby Cox knew what they had down on the farm. They brought up some of these younger guys and immediately one could tell the difference. The Braves seemed to play a little more crisp. A more of a ‘I can do this manner’.

And they sure could.

If there is one person that The Braves must sign, it is Furcal. In my opinion he has played his heart out for them. The team needs him. As a Braves fan, we need him.

McCann is a pleasure to watch. He also is a pleasure to see bat. He can hit the ball a long ways and he can throw out runners. Jeff Francour also is one that appears to love the game and plays it very good. He can hit, field, run and throw. A little impatient but time might improve that and the tutelage of The Braves organization.

But Baseball has problems.

The Washington nationals must be sold. The players there need some kind of secure feeling. Right now they are on a bubble. I think major league baseball has dragged its feet long enough. There have been many offers from baseball people. Legitimate people however baseball has turned its head.

Another problem is the steroid use.

There must be a system in place to test all and then ban them from the game on the second offence. The first offence might draw a 20-day suspension without pay.

The game is far bigger than the sum of the people involved. The game is what it is; a passion to some. A wonderland to others and a lift when your favorite team wins. Let’s hope that a player strike is not looming somewhere. Hockey did not have a season and took a terrific pounding from Hockey fans. My feelings are that the pure baseball fan will not return so quickly.

Now the Pete Rose thing.

Pete Rose is surely a hall of famer. No doubt.

But so was Shoeless Joe Jackson and look what they did to him.

(Added 10/11/05)

I ATE A HAMBURGER..... HE HAD A BROWNIE AND A CUP OF COFFEE..

AND WE TALKED ©

He asked me how were things in Bay Georgia? He had a little smile and a small twinkle in his eye.

I told him that we were making progress. Gin Creek was doing a good business. A florist shop, Country Florist, had opened and that we were feeling progressive. I also told him gas had come down a little.

He smiled again.

I worked on my burger and fries. They were good. I offered him some. He said “No; I will eat my brownie.” He also sipped his coffee.

He asked me if I ever saw a man we both knew.

I told him that “Yes I saw him from time to time. He seemed to be doing o k and that he was getting around all right for a man his age.”

“When we get to that age, whatever age it is, we are thankful to get around and have something to do and are able to go do it.” He said with that same small smile and twinkle.

We talked of the peanut crop, cotton crop, need for a about a half inch of rain, what people did for entertainment and other items. This is not gossip mind you just conversation between friends.

“ Ren, when you were coming up, there wasn’t a whole lot of entertainment was there? Just work and maybe a bicycle to ride and the radio.” He offered.

I agreed with him and told him how we rambled up and down Bridge Creek and all the other woods. “T.A. Parker and I knew where every scuppernong vine and plum trees were within a three-mile radius. We visited them often.”

“You reckon kids do that today? I’ll bet not” He answered his own question.

Another sip of coffee and a bite of brownie. ”You ought to eat one of these, Ren, they are pretty good.”

He did not know it but I had already planned to consume one as soon as I finished off my burger and fries. We ate for a few minutes; not talking but seeing some of the past come flowing thru our minds. He smiled a little smile again. I knew he remember something of the past that was pleasant.

“Do you still visit any scuppernong vines now?” He asked.

I told him a few but that I did not climb them as I once did; but that I still had a fondness for them.

He had finished his brownie and coffee and told me it was good to see me and talk with me.

I said to my friend, Mr. Potts, “The same to you sir. We need to do it again.”

He smiled chuckled and nodded his head.

And I tell you this, It was a fine visit with a long time friend.

(Added 09/28/05)

POLITICALLY CORRECT
OR
ARE WE GOING INSANE? ©

To say someone is short is certainly not in vogue. We must say the person is vertically challenged. If someone is God forbid, fat, then that person is horizontally enhanced. Now I would not be ugly, I would be cosmetically deficient.

Recently Florida State had to threaten the NCAA with a lawsuit to keep its mascot and team name. The Florida State Seminoles. The Native American people said the name had offended them. It is possible that some of them were truly offended. I can understand that.

I also know that having come from a pioneer family [my folks helped settle this part of the country] it is very possible that there is some Native American blood in me and several others. If there is some of this blood in our heritage, then it is o k with me.

But if the Seminoles gave up their name then others like the Braves, Indians, Redskins, would have to go to. Sad but inevitable.

Then the animal people can come in and declare that team names such as Panthers, Jaguars, Bears, Cubs, Colts, Bearcats, Bobcats, Rams, Wildcats, Gophers, Terrapins, Razorbacks and other names would be out.

Now what about the bird people? The Orioles, Blue Jays, Cardinals, Owls, Hawks, Falcons and many others would have to go.

The fish? Marlins, Devil Rays, Seals, Sea Hawks. All gone.

Colors? The Reds, Whites Sox, Red Sox, Blue Devils. The Blue Devils could fit into another category as well. It might seem to some it promotes satanism. The Royals have a blue color in their uniforms, so that would negate them. Also the Royals name offends me because it seems that to be Royal is better than a South Georgia Boy. Definitely out. I might have an answer here. We might go with some neutral tones or earth tones.

I haven’t forgotten the spiritual or church side either. This one might be easier. The Padres might become the Fathers or The bishops, or The Elders, or The deacons. But someone would be offended because his or her church officers were left off the list. So we nix that idea. The Angels might become The Cherubims or The Seraphims. I’ll let you look those up; it might do us good to spend more time in The Bible. The Saints would most certainly have to go. I don’t know any Saints and if a football team calls itself a Saint, surely I must be offended somehow.

And then there is this. The Philadelphia baseball team is named The Phillies. This is a young female horse. What is more gender inclined than that? Can’t have this.

This one I have a problem with. The Patriots. Surely no one can be offended by this. But if you are a foreign country that hates us and we have not upped our foreign aid, well they might get upset and say something like “And you call yourself a Patriot?”

The list goes on and on and on.

Something offends everyone.

Personally, I would not mind a team called The Atlanta Rens or The St. Louis Summerlins

(Added 09/11/05)

LUCK, FORTUNATE OR THE GRACE OF GOD©

Hey Ren, I see you got yore mower goin’ again” Cleotus Allegood said as he stepped out of his truck.

I was happy to see him again and told him so. Quennie Jr., his dog, nuzzled up to me and I rubbed her head and patted her some. This always pleases my friend Cleotus.

“Shore is a mess out yonder in Louseana and Alabamer and Mississippi I reckon. Them folks got there work cut out fer them fer many days to come. Say how is yore friends in Gautier Mississippi? Have you heard from them?”

I told Cleotus that I had not but I imagine soon as they get settled somewhere they will call or e- mail.

“They live ‘bout a stones throw from Biloxi don’t they. And they live right on the water too, don’t they Ren?” Cleotus gazed off across the cotton field and thought a minute. ”Reckon why them thangs happen like they do? Seems like they always gettin’ them hurrycaines out there.”

I thought about it for a minute and told Cleotus that I did not have an answer.

We then talked of the steering currents and how it seems to be that theses storms are drawn to that part of the world.

“Ain’t it a wonder how them thangs start. Sometime they start right off the coast of Alfreca and just keep on a comin’. We shore are lucky to miss some of them like we have. Say Ren, you ‘member Kate that come thru a spell back.? Now that was a storm show-nuff.”

I told Cleotus that I surely did remember Kate. I told him of getting out in the storm to check on my Daddy and how I could not see at all. There was so much rain and wind that my wipers could not keep the windshield clear.

“I ‘member it too, Ren. It blowed Muley Wilson’s outhouse slam down to the woods. His ole lady had another one built in no time atall tho. She ain’t no lazy woman; I’ll say that for her.” Cleotus mused.

“You reckon why God lets them storms come and do damage like they do. I know God loves all of us and knows even when the sparrow falls but it looks like sometimes some people have more on them than they need” Cleotus seemed to be asking a question.

I told Cleotus that I had a theory. An idea. I told him that some times bad things happen to people to see what others around them will do. Will they respond in a positive manner or ignore the incident. I also felt that God allows some things to take place to show us humans that God is still God and in charge.

True we have the tornadoes, high winds, droughts and other problems but thankfully we do not have those powerful hurricanes come thru here very often.

“Know somethin’ else Ren? God may be seein’ just how much we pray for these people and to see if we are thankful or not.”

I looked at my friend and we both knew the answer to that one. Neither had been praying like we should and had taken a lot of things for granted.

Cleotus left and I knew we both had been changed a little that day.

(Added 09/11/05)

BRAVES ARE FUN TO WATCH.©

They are. They are fun to watch. There is an intensity among Braves fans that does seem genuine.

The ‘rookies’ are to be applauded. They have made a difference. Also Bobby Cox and John Sherhoultz; let’s give them, a hand too.

But a step further is the scouting and teaching in this organization. These people truly have an eye for talent. They also understand the game.

I know it is altogether possible and most likely The Braves might not get out of the playoffs. I still think the road to The World Series goes thru St. Louis. The Braves might need a Herculean effort and a lot of help to get past The Cardinals.

But it can be done.

It seems that this crop of players just know one thing. See the ball. Hit the ball. Throw the ball and run the bases. Well four things really but you know what I mean.

I know that the season is far from over and that a team can get hot and win five or six in a row and someone lose five or six and things can change dramatically in a weeks time. It can be like a floodgate that will not be closed.

I have to admit that I have enjoyed The Braves more in the last couple of months than during the first part of the season. Now I try to watch them whenever possible.

I kinda wish my Daddy were around to enjoy them too. He was a die-hard baseball fan and a real Braves fan. Fact is I was named after a ball player. A minor league player at the time but never the less a baseball player.

Daddy worked and he worked long and hard hours on the farm but when there was a baseball game in town or close by, well we went.

Just about every community had a Sunday afternoon baseball team. There were cold drinks and a few cookies to be bought and it was a family affair. A true gathering place.

Doerun, Center Hill and others had their teams. What a delight to go see them play.

I am thankful that Daddy exposed me to this game and some of the people in it.

The player I was named after? It was Milton Wrenn. My name was shortened to Ren. But that is the story of how my name came to be.

(Added 09/11/05)

THE GREAT CIGARETTE SMOKE RAID©

I ain’t kidding.

I was at a place last Wednesday when the police came and talked to the owners about smoking in the building. The policeman said there had been a complaint and he was there to see about it. I suppose he felt secure because he did not have back up nor did he arrive with neither siren wailing nor a paddy wagon waiting to haul off the alleged offenders. Maybe he felt o k entering a place where people were accused of breaking the law by smoking in a public place.. He arrived and explained to the owners what his mission was. I might point out that he was very cordial and courteous.

As I understand it, the complaintant called 911 and voiced their opinion about the situation. I can’t verify this but that is the scuttlebut.

No one was arrested. No one carried away in handcuffs. No people fleeing the building when the ‘raid’ became apparent.

This business was not a restaurant, store or church. It is a business where farmers have gathered for decades. This is not to say that all farmers smoke. In fact fewer and fewer people smoke. This includes persons from all walks of life.

I have not smoked since February of 1973.

If you wish to smoke, then have at it. But not in my home or truck. You are welcome to visit or I will give you a ride but no smoking please. This is a personal thing. I do not like the smell of cigarette smoke. I feel like I need a shower after being in or near the smoke.

My Daddy smoked for nearly 65 years. The Prince Albert and other brands took its toll and in the last years of his life emphysema and pneumonia were constant companions. His heart also gave out and if you could have seen him gasp and try to get some air, well; a person might give up the habit.

This non-smoking law is o k, I suppose. I am not, however, going to report an offender to the smoke police.

But can you imagine the following conversation.?

“911”

“Yes I would like to report a smoker.”

“Where is the offender and what does he appear to be smoking?”

“In an alley off Third Street I can’t tell from here but I definately know he is smoking. Wait I think it...... no I am sorry he is only chewing tobacco.”

“Sir there is no law against chewing tobacco in public or public places ....yet. However I will send The Smoke Patrol over to investigate.”

I was thinking, in the future, how far would we go to protect ourselves from ourselves? We have laws regarding seat belts and riding in the back of pickups. Probably next will come speeding with a wheelbarrow.

(Added 08/22/05)

THE FIGHT; ROUND TWO
ACCUSATIONS OF STEROID USE©

That is correct. The subject of steroid use has been brought up. Although this has not been confirmed it has been widely circulated in both camps.

The Siggsbee Kid has been accused of conspiring with his number two man to introduce steroid use into the training regimen. This has not been confirmed but the rumor is that The Kids number two man did make a trip to some part of Alabama to acquire the said steroids.

I repeat, at this stage it is all rumors.

We do know that both camps have become rather tight lipped about this whole steroid thing. “If that’s the way they want it, well, I am not bringing this fight- that low” said The Summerlin Road Brawler. “All I was going to do was protect the honor of the name.”

“No it was not that way atall” came back The Kid. “ He didn’t want to fight until his wife returned from West Virginia. He is surely going to need someone to patch him up.”

Both men had other utterances, however this is not the place to repeat the words. There are women and children that read this column. I am happy to report that this fight has not progressed or regressed, whichever, to the point of daring one other to do something.

If it does indeed get to where one dares the other the only protocol is to double dare and then double dog dare. At this point the atmosphere in Funston could become highly volatile. Perhaps cooler heads will prevail.

We can further report that some more ground rules have been adopted. The first to make the other holler ‘Uncle’ or beg for mercy will be declared the winner. Also a five-minute time out can be called at any time by either side, if both sides agree. And a rematch is also a possibility.

Another is that there will be no shin kicking, nose tweaking or throwing sand in the other’ s eyes. Pinching is also forbidden. The name-calling will be limited to three insults each and then the fight begins.

Word has reached my friend in Gautier Mississippi of this event and my friend says the odds in Biloxi are dead even. Neither fighter is ranked over the other. There is some concern over the number two man in each camp. Whitfield has named Jimmy Dykes, while Summerlin has not opted for anyone yet.

“Don’t need anyone else.” Said The Brawler. “I can take him quick.”

“He better bring the whole family.” Retorts The Kid “He is going to need them.”

So far neither side has spoken of a book deal or t v rights.

(Added 08/16/05)

I KNOW MY YARD NEEDS CUTTING ©

“I have had this old mower for a few years. We took a few mowers and made one. It worked pretty good until it started eating the belt that pulled the blades. The old mower must have had an enormous appetite for it ate a few. Got that fixed.

One day I discovered I had no reverse. No big deal just plan your turns and pray for guidance. I did this for a year or so. Not having a reverse can be a pain. But with some forethought one can survive a yard cutting.

The only gear I had was a forward gear. Fifth gear at that. Now getting across the yard was not a problem. What once took a couple of hours to cut now was reduced to about one hour. The catch is this. One can not let the grass get too high or one can only take a 1/2 swath. So I had gotten accustomed to getting over the yard about thirty minutes at the time. Then start over.

This worked well until the main drive belt snaked its way from underneath the mower deck. I put the belt on and mowed about 9 steps and had to do it all over again. Putting the belt back on was not the easiest thing I have ever done. I never claimed to have a great mechanical mind. In fact opening a jar of Peanut Butter can be somewhat challenging at times. I do say with some pride I have just about conquered the microwave and V C R.

The old belt got a good looking over and I concluded a new one was needed. Me try to put a new stiff belt past pulleys and idlers and such? Not likely. So off to the shop it went.

“Don’t have a new one, Will have one here next Tuesday?” This was the previous Thursday.

Then came Dennis.

At times I believe I can not only hear but also see the grass growing. Honestly the yard looks as if someone moved off and I moved in and have not gotten the yard in decent shape.

I called them and asked if the mower was ready? “Yes but the main shaft to the transmission is bent and you have only one gear. The mower ain’t worth fixing” I told them I knew that but it had been that way for a year. I just needed a new belt. “O k we will put one on. Pick it up Saturday. We will leave it outside.”

It was a little after twelve and they had gone home. I don’t blame them for that because a week around mowers is a long time. They need some time away from such.

I got home and unloaded the mower from a borrowed trailer and fired her up and about seventeen inches later the belt snaked its way from underneath the mower. My first thought was someone had missed a pulley or idler.

That is not my kind of luck. You see they had not put a new belt on the mower. They had put the old one on. I was a little ticked. Well maybe more than little. I called and left a message on the answer machine. That did little good. But I felt better.

Then I carried the old mower by and it was explained to me that the old idler just would not idle any more. It would kick off a new belt just the same as an old one. Thus the old belt. But there was a bright side. There was a possibility of taking another old mower and taking parts from it and trying to make one whole again.

I trust these people and they have given good service in the past so I agreed . I expect the old/new one will be ready about the time you read this.

As far as the other old mower, there will be dumpster side services for it as soon as the weather cools a little.

(Added 08/01/05)

CLEOTUS; WOE IS HE ©

“I shore do miss her, Ren. Seems like she’s been gone forever. I hope she comes home soon.” Lamented my friend Cleoutus Allegood.

Having compassion for my friend, I only listened to him, knowing he would break the silence soon.

Looking off into the rain and wind Cleoutus said “ I shore hope she’s all right. I am worried. Worried a lot. What with this Dennis storm and all. I shore do miss her.”

“I still thank it wuz the best thang to do. Sendin’ her off like that. She just don’t like thunder and lighting. And the way the wind blowed, well I can just see her curled up now.” Cleotus went on.

Agreeing with my friend was easy. Now I could see where this conversation was going. I told him that some people had indeed left this area to escape the storm but would return home soon. I also brought up how the many people in Florida, Alabama and Mississippi had packed a few belongins and had to leave. I felt we were extremely fortunate.

“Heard from our friends in Gautier Mississippi? Bet they left town. Maybe they o k too.” I knew Cleotus was trying not to thing of the bad side of things and also to lighten the conversation a little.

It was too much for him.

With a small tear in his eye and a crackle in his voice this came out. ”I wish I was with her. I shoulda never let her go off. I’ll bet she misses me too. I only hope the in laws take good care of her. I wish I could just hear her voice. That would help me a bunch.”

This was about the lowest in spirit I had ever seen my friend. Once when his brother, Raymond Bob, had lost a wrestling match in ‘The High School Gym Championships’ Cleoutus was despondent for days. “If he had only put the flyin’haymaker on his opponent Raymond Bob would have made it to the Macon Georgia finals.” I remember him saying.

The High School Gym Championships are where a club or organizations wants to make money and gets a group of wrestlers to come and wrestle. They usually set the ring up in the high school Gyms and sell tickets. Raymond Bob was 4th runner up two years ago.

I knew Cleotus was sad. Trying to cheer him up I said “Cleoutus, my friend, You made a good decision for your wife to go visit her family in this time. We never know what one of these storms can do and she being there she is safe.”

Cleotus just sat still for a minute.

“Sometimes ,Ren I don’t know how yore thanking is. It ain’t the Ole Lady I miss so much; it’s Queenie Jr. My dog. I know the Ole Lady is gone be fine. I made shore she took Queenie Jr. along so’s she won’t be scared of the bad weather and wind blowin’. I just hope Quennie is good. I wish I could hear her bark one more time. Say Ren can I borrow yore phone. I thank I’m gone call the Ole lady and git her to put Quennie on the phone. She probably wants to hear me as much as I want to hear her.”

I told Cleotus he was welcome to use the phone. To just go on in the house. He must have gotten thru for in just a minute he came back outside smiling. “I heard her and she heard me. I’m gone see her again in a day or so. Thanks Ren. Thanks for everythang.”

You are very welcome Cleotus. I hope all is good when your wife comes home.

(Added 07/15/05)  

GRADUATES WHAT DO I DO NOW, TAKE MY ADVICE OR DON’T ©

There is a great, big, wonderful world out there. Just waiting to be explored. Waiting for you and thousands like you. It beckons, begs, and cajoles you.

Go see it.

See it while you can. For pretty soon your family will have grown and there just isn’t time to do it. See it while you can. Not long from now, some of you will be thinking of college; not for yourself but for those children that were little yesterday and are now almost grown. See it while you can. For now you can get by on a few dollars a day. Later in life it will take more, I assure you of this.

Work. I know work is a four-letter word and you were trained to not use four letter words. However this word will follow you always. Some, very few, will be fortunate enough to make it in sports. Those of you that want a place in the N B A, stop and think. How many jobs are there in the N B A? Remember these people recruit from all over the world. Sports are a good way to make a living but only the hallowed few make it.

Showbiz, entertainment and the lottery are also lumped into the above-mentioned group.

Work. It doesn’t matter if you find your niche in life at 18 or 25 or 35.When you find it, enjoy it. Love it, throw yourself into it. Start a new career when you find out what it is you truly wish to do.

Now let me give you some real good advice. When you get paid, give to God and pay yourself. By paying yourself at this age your money will grow and grow. Talk with a banker or financial person on this. And do it, get in the habit of doing it. Later in life you are sure to need it.

Success. Let us dwell on this for a minute. A very wise man once told me that “ success was not measured in how much money one had accumulated or the size of the home or the loudness of your voice. You see life is a series of races. If you win more races than you lose then you are a success.” I expect many of you will be very successful. The secret is to run the races. Do not be afraid to fail. When that happens, just go again.

Make friends. You can never have enough friends. In this age of the Internet, a person can have friends all over the world. Maybe you can even visit them one day. Many things are possible.

Love you country. I know, we certainly have our problems here but it is a fine place to homestead. We have one of the best forms of government anywhere. Not always to our liking. But we can change it by voting. Many places can’t do a simple thing as vote.

Religion. Be sure of yourself here. I am Southern Baptist. I am not; however, arrogant enough to think we Baptist will be the only ones in Heaven. There will be others. There are many distractions in this world that you about to embark.

Laugh and love as much as you can. Don’t take yourselves too seriously. There will be enough time to cry, be angry, and be outraged or amazed. But there is never enough time to laugh or love.

Now this is selfish advice. Keep your minds clean and clear because you will have to make the decisions that will direct the lives before you and those that are coming behind you. The reason it is a selfish is this. You will be making the decision that affects me.

You are young. You are bright. You have an awesome responsibility.

Go get ‘em.

(Added 06/12/05)

IT WAS -BUT IT WAS NOT -BUT MIGHT BE AGAIN ©

 Some five to seven people had assembled in downtown Funston last Saturday to witness what was to be the biggest event since Buster Staidmore’s station started plugging tubeless tires instead of putting a hot patch on an inner tube.

But it was not to be.

The Siggsbee Kid was to take on The Summerlin Road Brawler in what some considered just more than bragging rights. The ’fight’ was to have taken place at high noon somewhere between Allen’s Store and The Methodist Church. Also it was agreed upon that the fight would not cross the street and interfere with folks going into The Post Office.

I really don’t know how it started but some said it might have begun simmering with The Siggsbee Kid somewhat casually mentioned that he and the other guy just might be a little kin.

Personally I don’t know who took exception with what but in some circles this can be an insult. We all understand that, I hope.

One barb turned into another and then the insults began to fly. George-The Siggsbee Kid -Whitfield claimed he could take on the entire Summerlin Clan and only need one person to help him. This person being Jimmy Dykes. Dykes was to simply hold The Kid’s hat and glasses and point him in the right direction.

Ben-The Summerlin Road Brawler- was quick to answer the challenge, the call, if you will. The Brawler reminded The Kid that there were many many Summerlins. In fact one person once said that The Summerlins and the nut grass would soon take this country.

“They’s a remedy for the nut grass.” Said one on looker.

“And I got the remedy for The Summerlins” Quirked The Kid.

As far as this reporter knows the fight is still on. When, I don’t know. I do know it will not be on the weekend of June 11, for this is the weekend of The Bay Georgia Chicken Races.

Both fighters reverence The Chicken Races far too much to have their collision on a sacred time honored tradition as this.

The Brawler has been in training. It seems he has been lifting bags of cottonseed daily and at times has been seen hooking water trailers up to the pickup. “Well I ain’t been just setting around. I ‘m taking it seriously. The Kid has got some age and experience on me but I have youth and strength.”

The Kids reply “Simply put, here comes the pain, get ready for it.”

As for as any other conditioning, both appear to be eating regularly from the training table at The Country Corner Restaurant in Funston.

There will be a photo op sometime. We just don’t know when.

(Added 06/12/05)

MY SOUTH ©

 On t v, Turner South has a thing called ‘My South ‘ or sometimes ‘Your South.’

I like it. It seems its only purpose is to promote the South in a positive way. In this day and time that within its self is no small miracle.

So here we go with Ren’s South.

My South has butterbeans and blackberry pies.

Bream beds catfish and French-fries.

Fresh tomatoes and good field corn

Fried squash and dewy morns.

Lots of laughter and friendly smiles,

Folks you can visit and just stay a while.

Lighting bugs and starry nights

Full moon, shining bright.

Rivers, creeks and small streams too.

Minnows, wiggle tails. Not just a few.

Dogs that trot up and down the road.

Frogs that croak and ugly old toads.

Cooler days that come in September

Fall afternoons, especially in November

Christmas time and all the lights.

A time when it seems all is right.

Springtime and the flowers bloom.

Green grass, hay to cut soon.

This South, where people actually speak.

Hello, Goodbye, Have a good week.

Saturday gatherings, burgers on the grill.

Potato salad, eat your fill.

Gentle breezes and thunderstorms

All night rain, the sun in the morn.

Crops growing, tractors in the field.

People working, This South is real.

Children’s smiles and laughter too

A look from a grandchild that says I love you.

Crowds at churches, hearts of gold

People listening, the gospel is told

All this and much more too.

Thank you God, We do owe you.

(Added 06/09/05)

I STILL SAY HE WAS PUSHED©

 “This argument comes up from time to time and I stand on my original position.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed!

There are some naysayers. I say let them naysay. Some have doubted some scoffed. Some have even said The Nursery Rhyme Business is tainted. This is possibly true. But not where Humpty is concerned.

An example. Who is Hi Diddle Diddle? I honestly do not know. I do know it is mentioned with The Cat and The Fiddle. Need I say more? A cat playing a fiddle? Not likely.

But wall sitting is a very honorable profession. And this was what Humpty did. He did it quite well I might add. I suspect there was some jealousy involved somewhere.

Probably because Humpty was a good egg. I still say that He was not doubled yoked as some might mention in an off-handed slur. No sir not my Humpty Dumpty.

Those that argue against my position simply are wrong, confused or unwilling to grasp facts.

I know, we have debated this before in this forum and in this space. However, the question arises in some people’s mind. Just what does “had a great fall” mean.

It means Humpty was sitting on the wall and had a great fall. No one seems to know how or why. I can tell you.

He was pushed!

Pushed right off the wall. He did not fall. Nowhere in The rhymes does it mention Humpty being either hard-boiled or poached. As I said he was a good egg. Not cracked. Not fried. And to this day his descendants are hunted at Easter. Can anyone else make that claim? I don’t think so.

Now this has come up He jumped. No way. Humpty had a lot to live for. He was very popular. When he was discovered, all the King’s horses and all the King’s men came to his aid.

There is a phrase that bothers some Humpty Lovers. ‘They tried to put Humpty together again” Did Humpty jump before? No. This simply implies they tried to restore Humpty to his original state; a grade A jumbo. Humpty was not suicidal.

About his heritage? Was there a Rhode Island Red somewhere in his background? Does it matter? What about the rumor that if a D N A sample had been pulled, Bantam blood could have been found? Well so what?

Can any of us really say what is in our genes?

I stand by what I said. Humpty was pushed.!!

(Added 05/30/05)

CLEOUTUS AND MOTHER’S DAY©

“How you been Ren?” my friend spoke.” Aint had The Crud have you, its been going around.”

I told my friend that I had something. A cough and some fever that lingered and lingered.

“Well, if Granny Fulp was around, she can shore cure stuff like that.” Cleoutus offered.

“Some peach tree bark water and honey woulda done the job. Yes sir. Not that store bought honey but the kind that comes out of the woods. Pretty much from a holler in a Black Gum tree.”

I asked Cleoutus if he and his wife had a good Mother’s day.

“She went to her folks. I woulda went but my back was hurtin’ and I didn’t want Quennie Jr. to have to ride that fer. She don’t ride real good ‘less she’s in the front of the truck. I told the Old Lady that I didn’t want the dog sick but she said that dog weren’t ridin’ up front with the fried chicken and collard greens.” Cleoutus said.

I said nothing. I just rubbed Quennie Jr.’s head.

“Know what I thank it is, its them uppety people or at least they thank they uppety. Old Lady’s folks thank they sho nuff uppety. They got them one of them satellite dishes. They watch a lot a ‘rasslin’ and they got to watchin’ some of them car races. Next thang ya know they gone be watchin’ some uppety station like oprey or somethin.” Cleoutus deposited some Red Man juice on the ground and asked me if I thought he was right in not a goin‘?

I thought for a minute and told him that a man had to do what he had to do. It was the only thing I could think of and not hurt his feelings.

“You right, Ren. A feller kain’t let on to them wimmen what a feller is really thanking. You do and the next thang is they gone want you to do some housework. It aint that I’m above wimmins work its just my back hurts a lot. Kain’t do nothin’ with a hurt back. A feller could git down and miss the bream a beddin’ “

I nodded in agreement with Cleotus and told him I appreciated the last mess of catfish he brought me.

“Ain’t no problem, Ren. The Old Lady had a few minutes so I told her to clean ‘em and I brung ‘em to you.”

I thanked him again and told him to thank his wife for me.

He said he would, but he was gonna speak to her about Quennie Jr. not ridin’ in the front of the truck. “Kaint start that. Old Lady might try to make a habit of it. . Say Ren Old Lady brung back some chocolate cake from her folks. Want some.? I wuz about to give Quennie Jr. a bite.”

My friend, the dog, and me had some good chocolate cake. I did not tell Cleotus but if he had gone with his wife to her folks, well, we just might not a had this good cake.

Thanks Cleoutus. I ‘preciate you.

(Added 05/09/05)

SPAGHETTI TREES©

April 1 2005

I don’t mean to brag but it was a trip of a lifetime.

My friend called me and asked if I would like to go see the spaghetti trees in bloom and see the actual harvesting of the early variety. Of course I said yes. I had never actually seen this before but he had on more than one occasion.

When we arrived in the region some harvest was already underway. They were hand harvesting the early variety. This is the shorter type that goes in soups and such. In fact Campbell Soup has a newer variety that grows faster and takes less time to harvest. “We should have it in the cans and in the store by mid-spring “ said the spokesman Oscar Vermachelli “There is more taste to the newer one. We plan to keep the old one too. Many people actually prefer the old rather than the new.”

“Also, the newer variety only grows to one length and this helps preserve the taste.” Added Mr. Vermachelli.

Well, I could not wait to get to the spaghetti trees and see the bloom. One has not lived until one sees the sunset over the spaghetti tree blooms.

I was not to be disappointed. They were magnificent.

The thing is the spaghetti tree only blooms one day then the spaghetti appears and grows rapidly. Some types grow to a foot in length in a day or so. This is why a timely harvest is so important. “We never ever refrigerate” says Vincete Lasagna chief overseer and quality control superintendent. ”We put a fresh product on the market and in the consumer’s hand in a few days time.”

It is not official but my friend said they were developing a new variety. One that is already red in color. “This will help the novice cook. Some people think you have to boil spaghetti until it turns red. I really think some are confused. In the new type the sauce is grown in the spaghetti. Right now we have the non-onion variety for some and of course we are working on the meat ball tree. We have a lot of hopes for the meat ball line. Imagine how much time this will save the busy housewife. And it will be microwave ready” my friend stated.

There was a part of the fields we could not visit. Apparently it was highly secret but the speculation was this. They are working on a tree that will grow spaghetti straps for women’s dresses and other clothing.

“An industry can not afford to stand still” said Mr. Mueller “We wish to be in the forefront of the spaghetti world.”

Chef Boyardee agreed “We are developing a low carb type. Many people seem to want this.”

Well, time was up. Pasta, our guide, helped us to the truck that would take us to the foothills and eventually to the airport. I was saddened to leave but so happy to get to see the spaghetti trees and soup bushes in their natural state.

Back home I write this and know that April one is near. I wonder if anyone is fooled by all this?

(Added 04/04/05)

THE POPE AND OTHER THINGS©

I can remember when he came into this office, The Pope. It was in 1978 and at our house there was no CNN or satellite t v: just the evening news. I’m pretty sure Walter Cronkite brought this news to us. It is hard to imagine that time has gone so quickly. But I remember it well. A kidney stone had taken its toll on me.

By all accounts he was a good Pope, at least the people on t v tell us so. Not being Catholic [I have friends that are ] I am not as learned as some that is in the Catholic Church. He has however, to some, left a legacy. I am sure he will be long remembered.

Just like the Schaivo situation this will be on the forefront of the media. I t will stay there for many days.

So let’s talk of the Schaivo situation for a little.

There does not seem to be many stances on the matter. Feeding tube in or out. These are the two issues. However there is one more. The politicians climbing on board a situation that clearly they had no right doing.

It is my opinion and nearly everyone else that I have listened to speak on this matter. Almost all agree. Politicians should never get involved. Some are passionate about this. Very passionate.

To me it is frightening. Washington seems to think they can intercede in matters that are not of state. Think on this. If they can pass a law in the Schaivo matter, they might think they could get involved in my or your personal affairs. A side note. This past term I am told, they passed a law that gave them the right to see any individuals income tax return. Why.? How does my tax return have anything to do with Iraq, Social security, Immigration or the budget or anything else?

My daddy did not wish for any life support. My brother and my other brothers wife did not wish for any life support. Nor did my brother in law. Suppose some politician said that “Nope, we know what is better for you than you do”. I tell you now, for me, none of this. Keep me pain free if possible and let me go. I know what waits for me.

Have we given these people the idea that they can do as they please without recourse? Apparently so. Or worse have they taken the stance that they can do whatever they wish? This is a dangerous precedent.

There is recourse. Register and vote. Tell them you do not like this. You can do it in an e-mail, regular letter, phone call in person or at the polls the next time one stands for election.

I have much compassion for all involved in this matter. The Schaivo family still has some long days ahead. Maybe time will help them.

But do this. Get a living will and /or an advanced directive.

(Added 04/04/05)

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? I REALLY DO NOT KNOW©

When I heard the news I shuddered. I also had a wide range of emotions. Fear, anxiety, helplessness, anger, certainly sadness. These are only a few of the thoughts I had when the news of The Alday Family tragedy came into our lives. I did not personally know any of them but the severity of the event made life in The Southeast change. This was many years ago.

The events of Atlanta this past weekend had the same effect.

Senseless killings.

There are many stories within the whole story. Little by little more and more comes out. I expect that we might never know the entire story. There were so many people involved. So many lives touched. So many lives changed. Lives taken.

Multitudes of us have been to the very same location. Near to the capitol. Near to Phillips Arena. The parking lot. The interstate. All very recognizable places.

I am sure that in the coming days there is going to be blame placed in many places. Probably there is enough to go around. Hopefully and prayerfully good things can emerge from this travesty. It has to. If not it will all have been in vain, it seems.

But what is truly amazing is the story of the Smith lady that seemingly brought this man to God. God surely had to be at work in this situation. Already some of the big mainstream news outlets have begun to cast doubts and dispersion. To them I say “Wake up. Listen.”

It is a remarkable situation.

None of us can imagine the true events of this without being there. This lady has had her life changed. She will have memories and perhaps sleepless nights and when sleep does come, dark dreams and nightmares are almost certain to follow.

On the television she seemed calm as she recounted a long night’s events. Once again I believe God was at work here.

Think on it. . She had opportunity. She took the chance to talk with this man that had invaded her life. She read her Bible and another book to him. Oh that all of us had the courage to take even the little opportunities in life that God gives us to tell others about Him.

I am not about to try and explain all the events and happenings in this bizarre time. I will say that “God does work in mysterious ways.” That is from the Bible and you can quote me on that .

Where do we go from here? One thing is to pray for all involved. For sure, there is going to be some long dark days and nights ahead.

(Added 03/24/05)

THE STORM©

The distant thunder became more and more threatening. It had almost all day. The clouds, wind, raindrops and thunder was abundant.

Then about three o'clock Tuesday afternoon it was apparent this was to be a different afternoon.

The wind became stronger and stronger. The rain came in torrents. About five inches by some reports. I could hear the hail hitting the vent over the stove. It began to pepper the windows. I thought for a minute it was certainly going to break the glass.

Limbs began to fall as if the sky was full of them. I later learned that in fact, this was what happened. I could see some shingles from the housetop in the yard. The house shook and truly I was getting scared.

Then as if the winds could not get any stronger, they did. It was like you could feel the pressure and see the winds blow faster and faster. This lasted for about four to five minutes or so.

When the winds subsided some, I decided to get outside and check the damage.

The house had withstood the storm. But there were signs that it was battered some. Shingles off. Some water leaks inside.

Up the road at Ray and Doris Parkers’s home seemed to be the greatest wind damage. Trees were uprooted, power lines down and light poles twisted off. Also some power poles were leaning.

The news came in that Jimmy and Connie Wright’s home was badly mauled. This is the second time this has happened to them.

Soon a person could hear the siren, see the E M C crews and telephone crews, The County crews responded accordingly. Everyone was helping everyone. A true spirit of caring was in the air.

Many people came by and asked “Are you o k ?” As I write this I do not know if anyone near to us was hurt. I don’t think so and we are thankful.

I need to check on my older sister. I went to her house and she was o k . A little shaken up by the power loss and the winds and rain but o k.

On the way back home my truck began to sputter and cough and wheeze. Then it died.

I am not a mechanic but I raised the hood and wiggled some wires and looked as if I knew what I was doing. A Colquitt County deputy pulled up and asked if all was well?. I told him that probably I could get it going. He said he would check on me in a few minutes that he needed to get to another location. I thanked him and he was off.

At this time a nice lady, Michelle Pidalla, from Sale City stopped and asked if she could help me? I told her maybe; “Did she have a miracle on her ?”

“Not in my pocket.” She replied. “However we will help you anyway we can.”

We talked a minute and I asked her which way she was traveling. She told me west. I asked her if she would go to Roy Carroll’s house and ask him to come get me going.

“Certainly” said she without hesitation and left going east.

Within minutes she and her son returned and told me Mr. Carroll was on his way.

The story does not end here.

I got Ole Blue cranked and it sputtered and wheezed some more and began to run better. I limped to Roy Carroll’s house. His wife told me Roy had gone looking for me. Soon Roy returned and told me that probably the truck had accumulated a lot of moisture and that it would dry out and be o k. He was correct.

But when he was searching for me he came across a lady that was broken down at Bay Store. Roy got her going.

You see, even in bad times God is ever present. My truck quit. This Lady came along. Roy went to help me and encountered this other lady that had a small child that needed assistance.

Amazing. Simply amazing.

Thank you Roy and Michelle and everyone else.

And thank you God.

(Added 03/24/05)

EUVALDA’S WEDDING©

“How you been ,Ren?” It was my friend Cleotus Allegood. “Lost some weight there aint ya boy?”

I told Cleotus I had lost a few pounds and I thanked him for noticing. He wanted to know if I was on a special diet and I told him no, just work and watching what I eat. And I had taking to walking when I had the time; especially in the afternoon.

“Well Ren I stay on a diet.” Cleotus kinda chuckled. “I don’t eat nothin’ that don’t start with the letter A. No-sir-ree if it don’t start with the letter A I don’t put it in my body. Food like a chicken, a fish, a plate of collard greens, a piece of corn bread, a chiltlin’ and a whole lot of other stuff too. That's my diet. If it starts with the letter A, I can eat it. Purty good diet don’t cha thank.?” Cleotus asked .

I laughed with my friend and asked how the wife was.

“Aint nothin’ but a bundle of nerves. She aint got over the weddin’ yet. Or what was goin’ to be a weddin. That Euvalda showed out somethin’ terrible.” Cleoutus said . “The Ole Lady got one of the wimmens headaches and aint been the same fer a few days now. She is jest a little mad with Euvalda. Euvalda shore did cut up some.”

I knew my friend would eventually get around to telling me what happened. I rubbed his dog Quennie Jr. on the head and inspected her ears.

Then he told me.

“Well, Euvalda wuz a hankerin’ to marry up with this man she had met about a couple a months ago. He seemed like a fine enough feller. Liked fishin’ and ‘coon huntin’. He could even mechanic some. Said he could git the old Dodge truck a runnin’. Not the green one but the red one that sets out by the well pump” Cleoutus said.

“I could tell that when Euvalda showed up at the weddin’ place she had had a snort or two. Maybe even three. She done somethin’ else too Ren. She asked two of her x husbands to help out at the weddin’ I knowed this weren’t gone work out cause they been bad blood ‘tween them ever since one broke the othern ‘s fishin’ pole.” Cleoutus paused and went ahead. “Well when she got to the part where she wuz asked if she took this man to be her husband, She said she didn’t know. She had to thank on it a minute. That’s when we all knowed she had been in the bottle.”

“Then she winked at one of her x husbands and that’s when the fight broke out. Her husband to be went home and said she had till sundown to make up her mind. Euvalda said it didn’t matter to her if thar wuz a weddin’ or not, she wuz jest ready fer a honey-moon.”

I asked Cleotus what happened next.

“Well, Ren, some of the older wimmen commenced to blush and run all the younguns under the age of 14 slam outside Uncle Lige Wilson’s house. It wuz a mess Ren, A shore nuff mess. In all the commotion Uncle Lige’s dog nipped the preacher on the heel. The other x husband got insulted and wouldn’t let anybody use his jumper cables. It were a mess.”

(Added 03/15/05)

CLEOUTUS WORRIES©

“Hey Ren, You wash away or just about?” Cleoutus said rather than asked.

I told him we got about an inch and a half of rain. And about a foot of wind.

He laughed and said it almost blowed the taste out of his mouth.

We both chuckled and I waited for him to speak.

“Ren you around cows and the cow market a lot. Is it true they gone let them Canadians send us beef? They had some mad cow sickness up thar. Seems our people would be more concerned about it.” I told Cleoutus that many people were concerned. Many cattlemen were concerned about the safety issue to the American people. I went a little further and tried to explain that no one knew for sure what the market might do. Some people say it will be business as usual, but others say the market might plummet.

“Well aint they a lawsuit of some kind goin’ on? What you reckon might happen there.” He inquired.

Yes there is a lawsuit and there might be another. But no one knows when or how it might be ruled on. The cattlemen out west are on the front lines and that means we are too. I told Cleotus that I hoped the judge had good judgment and tells everyone to cool off and let us investigate this matter some more and when Canada gets free of this disease, then let‘s talk of opening the borders.

“It jest don’t seem right that the people that make these decisions kain’t look after the home folks first. Looks to me like sometime they jest don’t care ‘bout the U S A .”

Cleoutus rolled some Redman around in his mouth and looked off across the field. I knew he was thinking.

“Well Ren, aint them the same people that won’t let drugs from Canada come in that might help people that kain’t afford them high priced ones but they got no problem letting them cows come in.” Cleotus said with some finality in his voice.

“Know what Ren, I’m thanking about registerin’ and startin’ to vote. One won’t make much difference but a heap of ones will. I thank I’m gone git the Ole Lady to write Senator Chambliss and tell him how we feel about it. Jest gone write him a letter and let him know they ought to be lookin’ after the home folks first.”

I told Cleoutus that both were good ideas.

(Added 02/28/05)

GIRLFRIENDS ©

I was joking with my grandson about Valentine’s Day and that he needed to set aside some money to but his Grandpa a big box of candy.

“Can’t do it Pa” came the reply.

I joked some more and asked why?

“I’ve got to get my girlfriend a box” He said.

Well, I thought, he is joking with me some now. The conversation went on for a little more. I asked him of his hand and he said it was better but needed to do the therapy sessions for a while. He was to return to the doctor in a few days. I asked him to put his mom, my daughter, on the line.

“What’s this about a girl friend “? I asked.

“Oh yeah, they have been an item for a while now. She has been his girlfriend for sometime.”

“Really. Are you joking?” I sputtered.

She assured me she wasn’t.

I did not have any idea what to say.

For, you see my grandson is eight years old. That’s right eight years old. I could not believe it. But believe it I do now.

Times have changed.

At eight years old girls were someone that told the teacher if you had done something wrong on the playground. Also when the teacher left the room for a moment, she left someone in charge of taking names.

Always a girl. And if your name got taken, well, it was your word against the girl and the girl always won. Always won.

A girl, it seems, always scored highest on tests. Us boys had no time for tests. Our minds were on the next ball game at recess or what food the cafeteria might offer this day. Certainly not on the capitol of Ohio or the population of France. Not one of us knew anyone from or in Ohio and very few of us could find France on the map.

But some girl knew. Or worse several girls knew.

If you were in a game of dodge ball or tag and a girl hit you with the ball or tagged you and you were ‘it‘. Certainly you had reason to hang your head. Your only salvation was to hope it was on a Friday and by the next Monday everyone had forgotten the terrible incident.

But girls grow into young ladies and as if overnight we boys see them in another light.

Then they become women.

Oh my, did I say that?

(Added 02/14/05)

PICTURE THIS -IF YOU WILL©

The car pulls slowly into the yard. There are three men inside. They look for a dog and seeing none, decide that it is o k to get out. The bird dog comes from under the house and stretches. He has little interest in the men; he does however check the car tires and does his thing on them

The men are dressed nice. All have white shirts and a tie.

They come upon the front porch and knock on the door. Notice they did not blow the car horn. They are far too courteous for that.

The lady of the house comes to the door. There is little to fear from these men. In fact she knows one of them. He stretches his hand forward and re-introduces himself to her. “ Hello, I am Preacher Brown from the Baptist Church and we are having revival this week and wish to invite you and the family. In fact we need you to help make this revival complete.”

She smiles and extends her hand and with a little nod of the head acknowledges all present.

Preacher Brown hands are kind of rough. He works another job as well as pastors the church.

“This is Preacher Smith.” He continues.” Brother Smith is here this week and is leading this revival.” Brother Smith also smiles and says something like he knows of good things about their family. He also asks for prayer for the church and the revival.

Preacher Brown says that in fact there is to be morning services at 10:00 and that all are welcome. The lady responds by saying it is difficult to gather the small children and get there and back home by the time the husband returns from the fields for lunch.

All agree that yes that is an obstacle to overcome, but if possible please come.

Up to now the third guy has had nothing to say. He is young and very clean and has a good smile and a certain look in his eye and there is something about him that denotes well, something different. Later the lady and others will comment about how nice he looked and that quite possibly he might carry the Gospel one day.

This young man’s role is a simple one. He is along to learn. To learn how to approach people and see the old preachers in action.

Needless to say he has probably taken a day or two from work to ride and learn from them. They will be good teachers because they have been entrusted with his spiritual and gospel nourishment. They know his calling and are giving him some valuable experience.

There is a moment of prayer and then the young man says something like “See yall tonight” or “Please come. We certainly need you.” That is the extent of his involvement. Maybe he gets in a few amens to what the older Preachers are saying.

He also says that there will be a baptizing Sunday afternoon. He makes a statement because he knows and believes that this is going to happen. He does not assume. He knows.

I can very clearly remember when the many churches made the rounds in the neighborhoods. They literally carried the gospel from door to door. And for very little pay, I am sure.

Don’t get me wrong. I know times have changed. The smaller churches are getting smaller and the larger ones are getting larger.

And the ‘Pore Old Pastor’ has to contend with what color to paint a Sunday school room door or why did he not visit the hospital last week when someone’s cousin was in for an overnight stay.? He can’t pastor because he has to settle disputes and put out fires. I have never Pastored but I have Deaconed and I know first hand of what I speak.

I don’t know if we have progressed or not. Certainly we have changed our way of service and worship. The television and radio offers a wide and various array of ‘churches’. This is wonderful for those that are indeed homebound. Beware though last week I saw a t v pastor that had a Rolls Royce and a private airplane.

I guess these pastors visit and serve a different community.

Usually in the springtime there are many revivals. Many times of prayer. Surely there is much to pray over. We may not have this time again. To those that carry and respect the Gospel, you have my total admiration and respect.

(Added 02/11/05)

GONE AND SOME ARE FORGOTTEN©

I saw my first pool table there. Not knowing exactly what it was, I asked my momma when we returned home.

She gave daddy a look that I shall never forget and then she explained what it was and that little boys should never even think of ‘those things’.

Let me say there is nothing wrong with a pool table or playing pool, in my opinion. Many homes have one. We had one and it attracted company like a dog attracts gnats in August. But to my momma, those things were not a good thing.

It was at “The Jot-Em-Down-Store” between Pineview Church and Doerun. The store set on the West Side of the now paved intersection of the only cross roads on this road. Long gone and by many forgotten. It had a telephone whereas many homes did not. It also sold some groceries and probably ran a little line of credit.

On the Pineview Church -Funston Road Miss West had a small store that did good too. I understand that health problems were the cause of the store closing.

Many communities and crossroads have lost what was once a vital part of the world around us.

Bay Georgia once had three fully functional stores and a fireworks stand until the stand caught fire and blew up one night. That was a sight.. Now there is one store. As I understand it, Center Hill had two stores.

Think with me if you will. Travel out the Upper Meigs Road for a time. Just past the outskirts of Moultrie and just on the right was a small store. Some of us skipped school and bought gas there. Continue west and find the store at Hilltop now closed. Then Center Hill. Chapman’s Store was on this road as well as a store at Hamilton School.

All these are gone.

Poplar Arbor had two stores. Both did well for a while. Between Bay and Funston on the north side of the road sat Mr. Twiggs store. My Uncle Jim and I walked thru the woods to buy some things he needed and me a cold drink. I have no idea of the name of the soft drink, all I knew it was cold and it was the first one I had in several days or perhaps weeks.

Funston has only one store now. It has been there since Mr. Knotts had it.

Hartsfield, If I am correct, ,had two stores and a movie theater.

There was a store just west of Hartsfield at the Mill Pond.

Rose Hill still maintains a store.

It is possible that I have omitted some or forgotten some but this is what Mark Murphy and I came up with.

What happened to them?

I don’t know. Most extended credit , that could be a factor. Most all of them had fresh meats and groceries. People congregated there. Some to buy food staples or use the telephone or to have somewhere to go. They were a rallying point in each community.

Some fixed flat tires.

One point comes to mind. In those days the stores were open at daylight and remained open until sunset. Long hours to say the least I am sure this made an impression on the next generation of store operators. Possibly competition from the larger stores in the towns had an impact. As we became more mobile, we came to town especially on Saturday afternoon and nights.

The small country store has went the way of many things.

And we call this progress. Sad but true.

(Added 01/16/05)

Not long ago I was rumbling around in the attic. Looking for what; I don’t know. But I was there, rummaging, moving, and throwing out things. That is when I came across it. It was in a box. Still usable.

It was a Christmas Tree from many years past.

You have to understand. Growing up we never ever bought a Christmas Tree. Starting in late November we [my siblings and I] would begin to look the farm over for the right one. This was not a search to be taken lightly. It had to have a good side. A side that had the right length of limbs. It also had to be a good height. And most importantly, at least to my Momma, a good top to place the angel on.

No sir, not just any tree would do. It had to be just right. If there was a tie between two trees, then us children usually had the final say.

Once a tree was picked out, it was quickly cut down and brought to the house. The smell of the tree rapidly filled the air. We had an old can to put it in. This can had to hold water so the tree would not dry out. I would marvel at how the grown folks would handle this chore.

Some would say “ A little more to the right “ or “ To the left some.” It did not matter to me. All I wanted was it up. I wanted to start decorating the tree.

Very seldom did we have new decorations. We always used the ones from the past year. These things simply did not matter. We wanted lights, icicles, paper chains and anything else that was suitable to adorn the tree.

Decorating usually took about two hours.

Then the lights were turned on and a silence fell over us. The only sound I could hear was my heart beating madly. Soon it would be Christmas time. Life was good.

Nighttime comes and we go outside to see the marvelous work we had done. These trees were so beautiful. Once again a silence came over us.

Then daddy would say “ Why don’t we ride over to town and see the Christmas lights?”

This was good too. We children played a game. The game was simple. We counted the Christmas trees we saw in other people’s homes. Each one would cry “There is One. “ or “Look another”. There was no winner to this game but we kept score anyway.

Very few people decorated the outside of their homes as is done now, so you can understand the excitement we had. The Christmas Lights were around the courthouse of Moultrie as they are now. To us it was and still is a magnificent sight.

Soon the drive was over and we began the trip home. No, there was no stop to get a cold drink or hamburger. Just a family together. All excited about a time that brought people together for a little while

Wonderful wonderful days.

(Added 12/25/04)

Yep folks, it is almost here.

When I was a child, I just could not wait for it to get here. In grammar school, the closer it got the more anxious I became. I knew for sure we would have a special lunch at school maybe even some extra recess time too.

The teachers would show us how to cut paper strips to make paper chains. Talk about excitement!!! Wow. We always sang Christmas carols. It did not matter that we only knew a verse or two and the chorus, we sang with gusto.

And finally it arrived.

Christmas at school. No work. No homework. The only studying going on in the classroom was about Christmas. We just could not get enough of this time of year.

The Christmas party in the classroom had begun. The teacher handing out gifts to all. And what is this? Why it’s a ‘room mother’ with cookies or cake or whatever. It did not matter.

I very clearly remember my third grade Christmas.

At school all was well. At home all was well.

Christmas morning came and look what was in the kitchen. Not only had Santa dropped by but also he had actually eaten some of what us younguns had left him. Wow would we have something to share when school reopened.

There was a bicycle. Yes a bicycle. A wonderful, repainted, blue bicycle with a chain guard. Never mind that it had been ridden by someone else. This was mine. I had a bicycle.

But wait. What if my long time buddy, compadre, close as a brother, friend and cohort T.A. Parker did not get one? Well, we would share this one. Daylight found me sitting on my bike in the kitchen next to the wood heater’s warmth.

I hardly remember eating breakfast. My mind was about a mile down the road. I had to see if T. A. got a bicycle too.

Momma said “Look down the road Ren. What do you see.?”

Amazed and astonished are not the words to describe what I felt that morning. There he was. T.A. Parker was coming up the road on a bicycle. Oh Joy To The World. I donned my cap and coat and out the door I went

We rode those bikes to the wheels wore off and then rode them some more.

As I look back, I see those good times we had. But how did Santa know to bring us both a bicycle for Christmas. It was not by chance or coincidence this miracle of Christmas happened. Some one. No, someones took some time; effort and love to make sure we both had a bicycle at Christmas.

Almost all that had a part in it are already gone on to the next life. But I thank you for doing this for T.A. and me.

And T.A. , I thank you for putting up with me and being my friend all these years.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Peace to all.

(Added 12/13/04)

I don’t mind telling you I don’t like cold weather. Never have.

It might have something to do with being raised in a cold house. Many a night I went to bed and could see my breath in the air. If fact my brother and I would lie there and blow make believe smoke rings into the night.

We were not cold. No sir. Mom had put enough quilts and blankets on the bed. So many that if you wanted to turn over, you had to get out of bed to do it.

The floor was cold though. Daddy had put some linoleum covering on the floor and in the mornings when our feet touched linoleum you were almost stuck to it.

My daddy would always make about two trips to get us out of bed. It was not that we were lazy, we just didn’t want to get out of a warm bed.

One of my jobs was to make sure daddy had enough lightard splinters to start a fire in the wood heater in the kitchen. He wanted them big and splintered on the end. This would insure an instant fire. I always thought he used too many. That was because I had to cut them.

I do appreciate him and mom getting up early and having the kitchen warm for us. It was nice.

No insulation in the walls or the ceiling. So when the wind blew, you knew it and when the chickens crowed, you knew that too. In fact it seemed they were in the room with you

The old house still stands. The ceilings are ten feet ceilings. This brought more relief from the heat in summer than it added to the warmth of the winter. That house has to be at least one hundred years old and is inhabited today.

Physically it was a cold house. But there was also a warmth. A great warmth.

Should someone come at mealtime, there was enough food. Someone need to stay the night, there was space. A neighbor drop by for a little while, there was always time to say hello. If one of us children were sick, there was mom right beside us.

True I don’t enjoy the cold weather. But for sure I liked the things this time of year brought.

An even greater warmth.

There are times that I thought the Christmas spirit was birthed in that home. At lease I though it was. The talk was of Christmas. Who wanted what? Who was going to get what? Simply put, I was over whelmed.

I loved that warmth. But times change. Brothers and sisters grow up and have families of their on and some have gone on to be with The Lord.. Children marry or move out and have a life of their on. Like a human cell, the families multiply and split and multiply again. It has always been like this and will always be like this. This is the way life should be.

It is not that the warmth is gone, it is just spread over a wider space.

But, God, I miss that warmth of that old cold house.

(Added 12/13/04)

This happened some time back. Back when my brother was alive and well. Some twenty years ago probably. But it is a true story.

You veteran foxhunters know that you never ever shoot or harm the fox. You chase him with some hound dogs and when the chase is over all goes home. The fox always wins the chase. The fox is sharp, sly, and well versed in the art of losing dogs.

This night was a little different.

I had long learned to travel in my vehicle. I have seen some fox hunts last into the next day. Not that the fox has been chased all this time but that the dogs have been given the slip by the fox and have wandered off onto something else. The most of the time one is trying to gather the dogs and get home. That is why I went on my truck. I had no dogs and truly I was along as a casual observer. I did enjoy hearing the race. That is when the dogs have found a scent and are barking and running.

Also it is good to hunt around home. So if you have to leave the dogs, they can find there on way home.

This night was summer night and the three of us were in a hay field near to Bridge Creek. The dogs were unloaded and after some running around the truck they wandered off into the creek.

Sure enough Old Susie or Bob or Jack would start barking and soon all the dogs would join in. The chase was on.

It was a windless night and a full moon so it was possible that if the fox came out into the hayfield to throw off the dogs, one might actually see the fox. About this time there is the conversation as to where it is a gray fox or red fox. Seasoned foxhunters can tell by the direction and speed of the fox as to the color.

Here came the dogs. Right out of the creek and into the hay field. The fox had led the dogs near to the trucks. I think his plan was to get the dogs close enough to the trucks that they would abandon the fox for the truck.

It almost worked.

Old Susie and Bob came to the truck but not Jack. Jack must have been having a good night because he persevered. The chase was not nearly about over. The other dogs agreed and went to help Jack.

The fox made about three trips in and out of the creek. Then he came in the hay field a few times. My brother and his friend were having a wonderful time. They could listen to the dogs and never have to move. The chase was around and around us.

The fox had all he wanted for one night and made a decision. He made a straight line to a home nearby. The dogs followed.

What happened next was totally unexpected. The fox ran under the house. The dogs soon followed. There were no lights on in the house but this was about to change. The dogs ran underneath the house and still barking. Immediately the house was alit. One could here the man talking very loudly and making threats to the dogs. His wife joined him on the porch and as the dogs came from under the house, she gave them a good thrashing with a broom. Soon one of his children joined in the fray.

I went home.

I later learned that my brother looked at his friend and said something about going up there to apologize. They decided against it and took the same course of action as I.

No the neighbor was not so mad. No harm was found in the ductwork and as I understand it, he did repair the scuttle hole underneath the house that his wife had been asking him to do for some time.

It was a funny sight. The dogs barking and the lights coming on and the commotion that followed.

The fox, well he had long left the scene.

Copyright2004

(Added 11/30/04)

For me I am happy the elections are past.

I was so tired of the negative ads and the mudslinging coming from almost every corner. Why do we allow it? I don’t know. I suppose we feel that our candidate can do no wrong and we need to lower ourselves to this standard.

One pollster called me asked if I was going to vote. I told her sure I planned to vote. I always vote. After a few questions, I decided to ask her a few questions. Naturally she was very vague as her answers. Then she asked me if the negative campaigning had any outcome on my vote?

Not a difficult question. In fact a very good one.

I tried to explain that locally we tend to know our candidates and what the ideas they have and what they stand for. I told her that with very few exceptions it ever happened here.

Then we talked of the state and national level. This was a different story of course. So much bad talk had one candidate for the other. If you are going to say something about your opponent, then say the truth and be able to prove it. She agreed. We talked a little more and then the final question. “What would you change the election process in any way?”

“Yes I would.” Was my reply.

First I would eliminate the Electoral College. The folks are going to stump where the most votes are anyway. The person with the most popular vote deserves to be declared the winner. Whoever that person is. It might also encourage some of these politicians to visit places they normally would not.

I would up the House Members term to four years and lower the Senate term to four years. My opinion is that we might get a better communication with our legislators if they knew they had to answer every four years rather than each six years. Also the House members could legislate rather than planning their next campaign. It would be better for them and better for the people that elect them to serve. Remember we elect. We hire them to do a job. If they do not perform, then if the majority of the people wish to hire someone else, we can.

By staggering the time between the House and Senate elections came, This country could have the option of having fresh ideas in the national level every two years.

BBBBUUUUZZZZ The alarm clock went off and I knew I had been dreaming. All this could never happen, but it might if enough people wanted it . If enough people had the same dream.

(Added 11/28/04)

“How you been Ren” is Cleotus favorite greeting to me.

I told him I was o k .

“I see you tinkerin’ with that mower. Ain’t they a problem sometime?” This was more of a statement than a question from my friend. Muley Wilson was with him and cracked a smile.

I told him this one was stuck in fifth gear and one side of the deck was a tad lower than the other but that I hoped it would get me thru the winter and into next spring.

“We goin’ fishin’ Ren, You want to come with us? The Ole Lady done dug the worms and put new line on the poles too. She fixed up one fer you if you want it.” Cleotus said.

“Yeah come on Ren, we goin’ and we shore would like fer you to go with us. Do you good to git out and enjoy this fall air.” Muley offered

Well I could not hurt my friends feelings by telling them I stayed busy a good deal of the time, but they knew that so I just shook my head and said I needed to finish running over the yard with the mower. I also knew these two liked to fish together and they were just being polite in asking me to fish with them

“Gone be the best time in a while, Ren, wish you could come with us. A full moon and the ee-clipse too. Why don’t git no better fishin’ than that” Cleotus said and put some Red Man in his mouth.

“The Ole Lady said she weren’t goin’ with us ‘cause she ain’t feelin’ real well. Got the runny nose and sneezin’ a lot. She's just gone stay at the house and do some stuff around there. Might as well stay there, she shore won’t be a lot of help sneezin’ all the time.”Cleotus spoke and Muley solemnly nodded his head.

“Say Ren, we wuz wonderin’ if you could do us a favor?” Cleotus said.

I told him probably so and asked what it was.

“Well The Ole Lady don’t feel good and she takes a sneezin’ fit every once in a while and well, I shore don’t want Quennie Jr. to catch anythang from her. We wuz wonderin’ if Quennie Jr. might stay here with you while we fishin’. She won’t be no trouble. ’Sides you and Quennie Jr. are good friends.”

I told Cleotus and Muley that would be fine.

“I ’precaite it a whole bunch. Cain’t take no chances sometimes. The Ole Lady sneezing and the ee-clipse on a full moon, well Quennie Jr. just don’t need to be around no water. She might fall in and not be the same anymore. You know with the ee-clipse on a full moon and all.” Cleotus said and Muley agreed.

They fired the truck up, drove off and the dog laid down in the shade of a tree and quietly drifted off to sleep.

They caught some fish, Quennie Jr. kept me company for the afternoon, the lawn mower stayed stuck in fifth gear but I got over the yard. I reckon it was a good afternoon for all.

In a way....well I was honored that Cleotus asked me to keep his dog. Yes I was truly honored.

(Added 11/28/04)

Who would have believed it? Down three games to zip to the Mighty Yankees and they came back to win. The Red Sox did what many thought was impossible. I was one of those that had the same thoughts.

Most people that I have talked with and heard speak on the subject were saying the same thing. Impossible and can’t do it turned to wow and what a playoff series.

Now comes the time to pick a favorite in the The World Series. Some say Cardinals. Some pick Boston. Some have no choice but almost all say something like “ I don’t really care now that the Yankees are out of it.”

Switch gears for a moment.

I was waiting to get my hair cut and she was waiting to get under the dryer. So we chatted a moment.

We talked of the weather, how beautiful the day was and the Expo. We surmised that this was a good time of the year but when the time changes the afternoons will get away so fast.

Then baseball came up. “ Yes she liked the Braves and also hockey. Baseball was a good sport too.”

I told her I was not a true hockey fan and did not really understand all the rules involved. To me it looks like a good place to have a fight. She agreed and said that some of her family had really gotten involved and loved the game. We spoke briefly of Cricket and neither understood the scoring or the rules of the game.

I asked her if she had a favorite in the upcoming Series. “ Not really I like both teams. I am so happy the Yankees got beat and at home too. That adds even more satisfaction. About the only person I don’t care for is Clements. He was once a Yankee and I don’t forgive people for being a Yankee.” She said with no quiver in her voice. She was resolute in her opinion.

Agreeing with her was easy. I am not a current Yankees fan. I once liked to see them play. That was in the days of Mickey Mantle and Whitey Ford and even Yogi Berra. Baseball was different then. And there are many Yankee fans today. I know some and they are firm in their loyalty to The Team From The Bronx. That is o k with me.

We chatted a little more and my time in the chair came. As I sat down I heard someone say “Yankee Go Home.”

I also thought of how many times that had been painted on walls and sidewalks all over the world.

But now.....Now it has an entirely different meaning.

(Added 10/23/04)

Now that the hot dog days of summer and the month of September are in our rear view mirror, it is time to enjoy a wonderful time of year.

Please understand, I do love the summer nights with the whip-por-will singing, the smell of honeysuckle and jasmine, grilled food and baseball. The beauty of a distant thunderstorm is spectacular. A storm where you can not hear the thunder; only see the cloud and the lighting far a way.

I do love the summer.

October seems to bring a sigh from most people. The humid air-conditioned days are almost gone and autumn is fastly approaching. The trees are taking on a new look. Leaves are changing and once again God has shown some of his splendor.

The sound of lawn mowers will not be so prevalent and fall flowers begin to bloom. Fall festivals, the baseball playoffs and the Series, bird migrations, butterflies and the list goes on.

The cobalt blue skies of October and November are beyond description. At night the Heavens are clearer and one can see a multitude of stars and constellations. All this is magnificent.

The high school, college and pro football circuits are in full swing and one can see a pattern begin to develop in these sports. Some teams will excel and some will not.

True, the daylight hours are shorter and the sun will skirt rapidly across the afternoon sky and when the change of time comes, the afternoons will be really short.

With October comes memories of my boyhood farm life. We were gathering corn, cotton and the pecans had begun to fall from the trees. Each crop had to be gathered and as quickly as possible. The world Series was played in the day time and the opportunity to follow it lay within the radio. We were lucky to be in or near a vehicle that had a radio.

October is a good swing month. A time between the heat and the cold. A time of refreshing if you will.

October has some wonderful smells too. The odor of a fire in a fireplace with the smoke hanging close to the ground is a familiar smell. The scent of a fresh baked pie or cake can be gleaned from the air and appetites grow.

Some people are thinking and planning Christmas already. Christmas will come soon enough and then the cold of winter.

Enjoy October, it has much to offer.

(Added 10/03/04)

“How you been Ren?” Cleoutus asked.”Been keepin’ yore head down and stayin’ dry?”

I told my friend that the yard was a mess but eventually we would get it cleaned again. I also told him that there were bunches and bunches of little limbs from the pecan and pine trees.

“Know what you mean, Ren, them limbs are everywhere, I told the Ole Lady not to fret about it , That other storm might come this way and it ’ll be to do all over again. Jest let ’em lay there is what I would do , but it is her decision.. You know I would help her but I’m afraid my back might go out and then I cain’t go fishing none..” Cleoutus told me.

He put some Red Man in his mouth and asked if he could borrow the ’lectric fence box. “Seems , the red spotted sow and the white one jest won’t stay put.”

I told him that yes he could borrow it , That he was welcome to use it. I also told him I might need it back this fall to use on some rye land.

“Oh I ain’t gone need it but a few days . The Ole Lady is gone shut them hogs up in a little. They ’sposed to have pigs soon. Besides she needs something to do anyway. That brother of hers is comin’ and he don’t do nothin’ when he’s here. Jest sleeps, sits on the porch and goes to the store. I tell you Ren, he ain’t never amounted to much.” Cleotus spoke.

I did not say anything because that was his family business and one has to respect other people’s family business.

“Reckon I need to go now, I’ll send the Ole Lady over to git the ‘lectric fence box. She might git here this evenin’ “ Cleotus said.

With that he fired up his truck and left.

“I shore do ‘precaite you Ren, Shore do” Cleotus said and waved as he left.

The thought came into my mind , I ‘preciate you too Cleotus, you are my friend.

(Added 09/12/04)

Have you ever really looked at the alphabet? Sure we learned early on what letters came where and probably got a sucker from the teacher when recited in the correct order. But, have you ever really looked at it?

Some of the letters are way out of place. Some need to be regrouped and some need to get more recognition.

'A' has no place at the beginning. Two reasons. It doesn't rhyme with the other letters next to it and our grading system. The grading system first. In school we went A, B, C, D, and F. The E was omitted from the grading scale. I have compassion for the letter E. It must feel like the last person chosen at a softball game.

'Z' has been the tail end far too long; the times must change.

We start with B, C, D, E, leave F out for now. B, C, D, E, G, P, T, V, Z. All these letters rhyme. They should be together. Would it not be easier for the little ones learning the alphabet to say "the first nine rhyme.". Jand K also rhyme. So does Y. and I the saying here could be "the next two do too". So do 'Q' and U. .

So far we have this, B, C, D, E, G, P, T, V, Z, J, K, I, Y, Q, and U. I think it would be good to put the O behind the Q and U. Take the slash from the Q, put it on the U and you have another O. Personally I have nothing against the Q, but sometimes we need to let one letter know that one letter is just as important as another.

B, C, D, E, G, P, T, V, Z, J, K, I, Y, Q, U, O.

'M' and 'N' look an awful lot alike. We should not separate these two, having been together in the middle of the alphabet for so long. We can give them some company. Here we insert the 'W' and the 'X'. Just as the 'M' and 'N' are natural neighbors, so are the 'W' and 'X'. And too, all have distinctive lines.

The 'R' and ‘H’ have two legs to stand on, they come next. Now the 'S', 'L' and " ' A' are presented. These sound good when spoken together. And too, these letters aren't confused with other letters.

B, C, D, E, G ,P ,T ,V ,Z ,J ,K ,I ,Y ,Q ,U, O,M,N,W, X, R, H,S,L ,A

And finally the 'F' . The F is a great letter. Instead of the F being First, I chose to make it Final.

(Added 08/29/04)

In life, there are many callings. The call to supper. The call to get up. The call of nature. Many callings.

In church we hear of someone bring called to preach or to the ministry or teaching or music and many more.

Back to life for a minute.

Some are carpenters, electricians, athletes, painters, great thinkers, doctors schoolteachers, waiters and waitresses, mechanics. There is no end to the callings of life.

You will of course see that I have left out plumbing.

My reassurance I was not a plumber came about last Saturday afternoon. There are two bathrooms in the house and since I live alone, only one is used. Sometime company will come by and I tell them to use the other bathroom. I know it will be clean and more private.

Saturday afternoon brought on a bad sound. I knew it was running water. I lifted the top off the commode and sure enough the water was running. Whatever made me think this would be a simple process to repair, I will never know. Just push the little flap down and the water should stop.

It did.....Stop running out. I could not stop the water from running in. I tried.

An idea. Turn the water off to this commode. There is no water turn off to this commode. I don’t know why. There just was never one put there. Lifting the float to stop the water was a grand idea. But the water keeps coming. I try to adjust the big ball at the end of the rod. It breaks.

Now what to do? Think man think. O K, I take a long plastic spoon and lay cross ways the commode top and put the rod on top. Sometimes in life one rejoices too soon. This was one of those times.

So I went looking to see what I had to repair this commode.

The short story is this. I put new apparatus in the other commode because the new one would not fit in the old commode. Now all I had to do was stop the water from dripping from the tank to the floor. There was no o-ring. I had no Teflon tape. No putty. I did what lot of non-plumbers does. I tightened it one more little bit.

Don’t ever do this. Take my word, just don’t do it.

I did get the floor dry and eventually the water to a small drip. I have a jug under the commode tank to catch the drip. But soon I’m going to call someone to fix this.

My calling is not to plumb.

(Added 08/09/04)

 Granted there will be some more hot days and nights. No argument about that. Already we can tell the daylight hours are a little shorter. Not long ago the sun was still visible at almost 9:00 p m.

School is starting again in many places: some are glad , some are sad.

But this is August.

In my high school summers, we were just about finished gathering and selling tobacco this time of year. There was at least one more cutting of hay to be done , not to mention the peanut hay . That was always a dirty job.

In those summers, that were so grand, was a lot of work. A lot of fun too.

We would gather tobacco all day and after supper gather up the street light at Bay Georgia. There we would tell lies, smoke cigarettes, see how far one could toss a rock, try and guess what the next brand of car was, have two or three foot races, and talk of baseball.

Also we would sing with just about every song that came on the radio. We knew them all. The talk would be of just how high on the charts this particular song would go. We all made our predictions.

Then the weekend.

Off to the drive in theatre. That was the place to be. To be and be seen. Didn’t matter what was on the screen, just so we were there . Some would have dates. Some not.

Sunday afternoon usually brought on a baseball game somewhere. We had a pretty good team. Some of the other communities had teams too. Usually we just played until we got tired. We loved the game that much.

Most every afternoon we boys headed to the creek. We swam, dove , swung from a rope, and did all kinds of water sports. I must say that sometime this was our bath for the day. We always brought a bar of soap that would float. We washed our hands, bodies, hair and all other places. It was a good time.

Don’t leave just yet Mr. Summertime. I am still enjoying the memories you have given me . Thanks

(Added 08/01/04)

I knew he was excited. He had that look on his face. A grin from ear to ear.

“How you been Ren?” was what Cleotus Alligood said. “We got back from Mississippi o k . Had a good time too.”

I asked my friend if the dog was a possible partner for Quennie Jr. ? “Nope had three white paws and two of ‘em wuz on the back feet. Ain’t never seen much of a hound dog that wuz any good with three white paws. Now if’n he had had just two on the back, he mighta been some good.”

I nodded my head in agreement.

“But the thang is they wouldn’t let us do much at them gamblin’ places ,Ren. Ever time we turned around they wanted money. Money fer this and money fer that. Beats all I ever seen. Me and Bobby Earl got lost off from Muley . Seems Muley went in one of them shows. He come right out tho. Said they wanted $35.00 dollars fer a ticket. He told them he jest wanted to look fer a minute but they said he could look all he wants but its gone cost $35.00 dollars.”

“Then folks weren’t friendly atall” said Muley.” And some of them wimmen weren’t wearin’ a whole lot of clothes. Some little skimpy thangs with frills. I wuz glad to git outta thar. I wuz thankin’ tha law might come in any minute.”

I told my friends they did the right thing by just walking and looking. I asked them if they did any gambling?

“None atall , Ren . After the Muley show incident we figured them folks didn’t want our kind in thar. So we left. They wuz some friendly people tho. One woman asked us if we wanted any company.? We told her Thankey mam but we the three of us wuz company ’nough.”

They left the house and I could hear them talking about going back one day.

Then Cleotus stuck his head out the truck window and told me they went by my friends house in Gautier [ Go-shea] Mississippi. “ We blowed the horn and set there close to an hour. Must not been nobody home. We might see them the next time we out thar tho.”

I’m glad my friends got home o k . I’m glad they had a good time. I wonder why my friend did not come to the door when they blowed the horn? Oh well, maybe next time.

(Added 07/27/04)

Some say it will be the worse Olympics ever held.

I don’t know, I do know that according to the news that Greece is running behind on construction and other things. Also I see where some athletes are very concerned for safety. Can’t say that I blame them for that.

But, in all reality the Olympics are not what it should be.

The running, throwing, high jump, and deeds such as this is good. But, there should be more. Yes, this is a radical and novel idea but why not add other competitions.

Marbles.

This could open up a whole new avenue for people. I have a grandson that is pretty good at this. He enjoys shooting marbles with his Grand Pa. I no longer have to let him win. He handily beats me. I think now and again he lets me win so I will play with him. Little does he know that I would play with him if he beat me every time.

This is not the point. The point is this the games we played as kids should be brought to the Olympic level.

Another game is jump rope. In elementary school, the girls were always the best in this. They could jump rings around us boys. Some were really good.

Hopscotch is another game that I feel is sadly overlooked. Imagine a team from the U S A winning the hopscotch competition. I would love it.

Hide and seek, red rover, I spy something and the list goes on and on and on. I am thinking that a whole new world of games could be played. None of this pac man or game boy or stuff like this ..............just good ole games.

Yeah, just good ole recess games. I like the idea.

(Added 07/19/04)

“Hey Ren” Cleotus Allegood sounded excited. “We goin’ to Biloxi Mississppi. Shore ‘nuff we goin.”

I knew my friend was excited and happy too. I asked him what was the occasion .

“Well, Bobby Earl knows a feller in Gautier [Go-Shea ] Mississippi that raises hound dogs and we goin’ out there to see if this dog looks o k . If he’s a good lookin’ dog then we might let Quennie Jr. be a momma again. And too my brother Raymond Bob is a rasslin’ in a double tag team match in Mobile Allabamer. Gone git to see him and the dog too.” Cleotus expounded.

I asked if he and Bobby Earl was going alone or would they take the women folks?

“Them wimmen don’t care nothin’ about a good dog so why waste a good trip on them ? ’Sides the last time Bobby Earl’s wife went to a ‘rasslin match , she went in the ring and decked a feller. She’s got a bad right swing. No, we takin’ Muley Wilson and Bubba with us.” Cleotus went on.

“We thankin’ of goin’ to one of them casino places. What you thank Ren? You thank Muley will cut up bad in one of them places?” Cleotus laughed a little.

I told Cleotus that I though they would be o k if they watched their money and just looked and didn’t try to gamble . I also told him to tell Bobby Earl to wear shoes and to tell Muley Wilson to wear a shirt under his overalls and to make sure Bubba left his chewing tobacco outside in the truck and not carry it inside.

“Boy, them must be some kind a classy places there. Wearin’ shoes and shirts. You reckon we’ll see somebody important ; like one of them preformers?” Cleotus was now really excited.

“ Hey Ren, you got a friend in Gautier Mississippi ain’t you? . Reckon it will be o k to drop in on ’em ? Gautier ain‘t but just a few miles down the road from Biloxi.” Cleotus asked.

I thought for a minute . Then told Cleotus that they were busy people and a good idea was to call and see if they had anything planned. I gave him their phone number . Cleotus said he would do just that.... call ahead.

I wished him well and he left the house. Clearly excited was he. I thought about calling my friend and tell them Cleotus and crew were coming that way, but you know , sometimes it is good to let a surprise be a surprise. I think this will be a good surprise for my friend. Kinda wish I could be there to see it.

(Added 07/01/04)

The proper spelling is gnats. But we pronounce it different. As my Uncle once said to a fellow from the north” They our ‘nats so we say it like we want”

And the gnats are a booming now. They are open for business. They are at their work. And for sure will be around for a few more months.

Have you ever noticed that there are certain people that do not attract nats? Some people don’t attract them. Some folks don’t attract mosquitoes, wasps, ants or yellow flies from the creek

I do .

But there is a secret to fighting the nats. Don’t fight them. If once you ever swipe at him, he will surely invade an ear. That are where they get me is in the ear. Some southerners get them in the eyes. This is most distracting. It seems little children or the younger set falls prey to the eye nat.

There is another phenomena, nats are attracted to some folks arms, and other body parts and this might be for obvious reason. I have noticed that not all people have nats on all their body.

The nose is another place one can encounter a nat. One deep breath and you will be hacking and coughing, trying to get the sucker back up and out of your mouth.

But people are not the only thing that attracts nats. Dogs do too. Old Rover seems to just put up with them and sleep or take an occasional swat with his tail at the culprits. Have you ever though about this.? These same nats that circle Old Rover circle us too.

Mullet fish most definitely can bring ’em by the swarms. When daddy sold tobacco , he would buy some mullet fish ; we knew the nats were coming to the dinner table. We would eat and swat. And you better wash your hands with some lava soap or something because if you did not , the nats would swarm and swarm and swarm.

Gnats are a Southern thing . I don’t hate them, they are a part of our culture.

I just don’t like them around my ears.

(Added 06/21/04)

I knew they were both angry, frustrated and upset. Both had a look that I rarely see in either one. About the only time I have ever seen Cleotus Alligood or Muley Wilson this upset was when Bobby Earl was fishing with them and turned over the can of fish bait. Worms were going in every direction.

“ It ain’t right , jest ain’t right” Muley was saying. “ A man tries to have somethin’ and what happens? They raise taxes on him. I ain’t payin’ it . No sir ree bob, I ain’t payin’ it.”

Cleotus was in the process of putting a wad of Red Man chewing tobacco in his mouth and nodded in agreement. Both had a very solemn look about them.

“I know what you mean , Muley. The same thang happened to me . Right after Grandpa Alligood passed away, they done pretty much the same thang to me. Weren’t my fault neither. They ‘ll do it to us all before its all over. “ Cleotus mused.

Muley looked at the ground and shook his head.

I knew my friends and knew that when they were ready they would tell me what the problem was. So I looked off into the afternoon sky, muttered something about “ We had a good rain” , rubbed Quennie Jr. on the head and waited.

The wait was not long .

“ Ren ,you remember last year when I put another seat in the outhouse. ? “ Muley asked. “ Well I got a tax notice sayin’ that my taxes was goin’ up on account of improvements. Got it right here in my pocket.”

Muley pulled piece of paper from his pocket and gave it to me. He was correct , his evaluation had risen. “ When I seen this I just about croaked.” Muley added.

Last fall Muley had indeed added another seat to the outhouse . Now there were two seats in the outhouse , not just one. He said he was not trying to outdo anyone or appear up-pe-ty but that it was necessary. He explained that when him and his wife took on a stomach full of fall sweet potatoes and turnips, well one seat was not enough. “That’s why I done it so she wouldn’t git caught in a tight. I was thankin’ of her more’n me. “ Muley said.

“ Well, I reckon the next thang they’ll tax is a nap or a string of brem fish off Bridge Creek . “ Cleotus offered to help sooth his friend’s feelings . “ Seems them polyticians don’t know nothin’ but tax and spend.”

The two of them and Quennie Jr. got into the truck and left . They were still discussing it when they were out of sight.

But Cleotus was right , sometime ‘tax and spend ‘ is the only thing some people know.

(Added 06/14/04)

Actually I thought he was a pretty good president. Some say he was what the country needed at the time. I know he did bring some respectability back to some areas of the government and his commitment to bring back the hostages from Iran was solid.

I remember the day I heard about him being shot. That seemed unbelievable. A modern day president actually getting shot. But he was and thankfully he recovered.

Sure there are those that did not like him or his politics and those that did not like parts of his administration, I know that. That is with all things , especially politics. But he was a man of strong feelings for this country.

My daddy liked him. Daddy received a letter from him. Actually did many in this country. Daddy’s birthday had come and a day or so after a letter came to daddy from The President Of The United States. It wished him a very happy birthday and said may he have many more. Signed Ronald Reagan , President.

It was a practice of his administration to send letters to those that had passed a certain age. Daddy was in his mid 70’s I think. That tradition might still be done today, I don’t know. But it did a whole lot for my daddy. Made him feel important and happy. I knew it was machine made and machine signed but I did not tell daddy that, actually I think he knew it.

But for a man in his later years , it was something to hold on to.

I truly think he was a good president, probably the best one we have seen in a long time.

My soapbox today is not to argue politics but to say a few kind words about a man that loved and served his country. Good bye Mr. President.

You served us well.

(Added 06/11/04)

Live from the BayGeorgia Speedway , It is the BayGeorgia Chicken Races. That’s correct folks , Chicken racing at its finest.

This year we are expecting a large group of racers. Although the Race is not until June 19, some racers are already practicing . It promises to be a fast track. The introduction of the Chick-Adee shoe is going to probably help to set a new track record.

Cluck McChicken has committed to be here and help to host the event. Cluck has retired from actual racing but still keeps his beak in the sport. Some of Cluck’s offspring have done very well on the Chicken Racing Circuit.

The festivities are scheduled to start early in the morning with the first heat .

Now some of you may not know where BayGeorgia is. Well it is about 10 miles west of Moultrie on the Camilla road. If you get lost and need directions , BayGeorgia is one word. Pronounced BayGeorgia.

Seriously this is an event to raise money for two volunteer fire departments. The chickens actually race and if you don’t have one you can rent one. Also many booths and vendors will be there. In the past it has been a lot of fun.

Come have some fun with us

(Added 05/31/04)

This past week I was going thru some old papers , spring cleaning , I guess. I came across something I had not seen in a long time. It was a paper I had made for my momma when I was in the first grade.

How this paper survived this long, I will never know. A miracle is what it was. What is more a miracle is that I had it . You see my momma passed away in December 1973. I reckon it got put with some old papers and then got put away somewhere.

On this paper was my right hand outlined by some kind of marker. The words printed on the paper was ‘to my mother.’.

I sat there and just looked at this paper from the past. I truly wish I could remember making this for her. I am sure it took all the patience my first grade teacher had to get a class full of children to do what seems now such a simple task .

Then , first grade was first grade. No pre k or kindergarten, just school. So she surely must have labored to get all of us to do this in a presentable way.

It is true I can not remember making it , however I am sure momma made a big ‘ to do ‘ over it . Most anything we children brought home to her ,momma always acted as if this was the most precious thing she had ever received. She ‘oohhed and aahhed ‘ over it every time.

Every time that is except when my brother brought home a green rubber snake and laid in on the kitchen table. That issue was discussed for many days .

But momma knew our heart was in those papers and things we brought home to her. How did she know ?

Well, she was a momma , and a real good one too. Looking at this little paper , I sure do miss her but I enjoy the memories of her.

(Added 05/14/04)

It did, it felt just like an earache.

But it wasn’t.

I think the truth dawned on me when I tried to chew on that side of my mouth. It hurt. It also would not stop hurting; Tylenol did not quench the pain appetite. I knew I had to do something.

I went to the guy I had been using in the past. The lady up front said “ Not for a few weeks could we see you. We are booked solid. “ I tried to convey the fact that I really needed some help but all I got was a look and the same words.

There are about four dentists in a short walk of where I had parked so I decided to step over into one of the other offices.

“ I am sorry but we are booked solid for today but if you can come back in the morning I am sure I can work you in before lunch. Maybe take some Advil or something to help with the pain, but I am really sorry “ was the words that resounded off my eardrums. This lady was really sincere. It was about 3:00 in the afternoon and there were people in the waiting room.

A journey across the street produced different results entirely. “ Yes we are full but let me see if we can do something for you. . If there is no one in x-ray we can at least x-ray the tooth and see if there is any damage we can see. “

I should have told her that I had a terrific gag reflex. It took three tries but she did get the x-ray.

We moved into another room and the Dr. came in introduced himself and looked at the picture of my cracked tooth. “ I usually remove these with no problem but this tooth is cracked below the bone line and I am going to send you to an oral surgeon in Valdosta. “

They called and made an appointment for me and gave me some antibiotics and a pain reliever. I was so thankful. I went next door and thanked the lady that told me to come back the next morning and told her that “ I really appreciated it but the guy next door had seen me. “

She totally understood.

This saga is not over; there is yet the trip to Valdosta for a consultation. I sure hope they have someway to help me thru this, For I do not enjoy the sound of drills and the use of many and varied instruments. Gosh, maybe they will just put me to sleep.

(Added 05/03/04)

Like many of you, I have, from time to time had reason to call technical support and ask about an e- mail or computer related problem. You never get to talk to a real live person. That is until we have pressed our ones, twos or threes or in some cases fours or fives

At this time I usually play solitaire or FreeCell or some game to pass the time. I’m surely not going to hang up because I need them

This got me to thinking.

What if we call the doctor‘s office and got the following message. If you think you have a throat problem, press one. If you think it might be appendicitis, press two, If there is a tremendous pain in your shoulder and you have difficulty of breath, call 911 and take an aspirin. If you think it is a kidney stone, you will know it. . If you think you need the emergency room, forget it. This is Saturday night as well as a full moon If you do not have insurance please call back during our normal office hours and you will receive this same message.

Or this.

Hello you have reached your local pharmacy. If you are taking antibiotics press one. If you are on a pain medicine, press two, should you be trying to reach an actual person, well please stay on the line. You are now number 36.

It gets better.

This is your attorney’s office. If you were at a public place and fell, please come in immediately. No need to buy a neck brace, we have your size in stock. If you are suing someone about a trivial matter please press two. If you are in the middle of a divorce please wait a few days because the settlement we reach today won’t be any good. Soon the both of you will change your mind and we will have to redo the whole thing.

Try this one.

To check you account, please have the number ready and press one. If you wish to order checks, press four, because two and three are not working at this time. Our technicians are aware of the problem. Then you might hear this. Thanks for calling; your account is seriously overdrawn. We are tracing this call to see where you are. Please stay by the phone.

Probably the one good thing about all of this is that we can hear some pretty music from time to time. Another good thing. Your pharmacy, attorney , doctor and most banks are going to have a real live person on the other end of the phone.

(Added 4/26/04)

The other night I was listening to some baseball announcer lament about how awful it was to play ball in Miami and then fly to the west coast. Just awful. They were saying that the schedule should be changed to take this into consideration.

I did not listen long. I thought if theses guys were being paid a million dollars a year to play this beloved game , they should not complain.

Let me tell you about a bad day.

When I was much younger than I am now , my rambling partner and I would be out until sometimes late . Real late. Well, this night was one of the real late nights. Looking back on it , we did nothing wrong, we were just out late.

As I was coming into the house , the sky was turning pink in the east. I tried to be as quiet as I could.. I hoped the dog would not bark and he didn’t . So far so good.

It was not to last.

I had sat down on the side of the bed to remove my shoes and try to get at least an hour of sleep. My Daddy and Momma slept in the next room . I knew when I heard his bed squeak that this day would start early. I was so correct .

He poked his head into my room and said “ Good . I see you are up. let’s go.” I changed my clothes and went to the breakfast table . My brother gave me one of those looks as if to say . ’ I told you so ’

Breakfast was good.; what followed wasn’t .

That day we pulled weeds from peanuts , hoed some cotton and to top it off pulled citrons from the corn. At lunch I tried to grab some sleep. But my Daddy had a busy day planned for his baby boy.

My head hurt , the sun was bright , I was sleepy and more sleepy. But we worked on. About sundown we left the fields for the house. The chickens needed feeding, eggs gathered, cows watered and the hogs seen after. My Daddy knew to not leave me alone lest I succumb to the ever worsening cry for sleep. He sent my older brother with me.

After supper Daddy announced that there might be just enough time to change the tire on the old rotary mower. Guess who got the job?

That my friends was a bad day. But I got thru it.

(Added 4/26/04)

Hello Daddy . In a way I am glad you are not here to see it. It has vastly changed since you left this life in 1992. The sad part is that it will probably never be the same.

I know how you loved baseball. I also know that you were a devout Braves fan. Ted Turner sold the Braves to a big conglomerate and well, half of the ones that were there five years ago are gone. It has gotten to be more about the money that the game.

You remember how the Reds always opened the season somewhere. ? No more

Daddy, I don’t wish to upset you but I must say this. They started the season in another country. Japan. Japan is where they started the season. It was the Tigers and the Yankees.. The only reason I mention the Yankees is because I know how you felt about them . Just to assure you , my feelings have not changed either. Not a bit.

When they were in Japan playing ball, there were still spring training games going on in this country.

What they called the regular season started on Sunday. Not on a Friday or Saturday afternoon. Some teams will not play for another two days. I am sorry Daddy but that is the way it is now.

Also they have started playing some of the games in other countries. Mexico and Puerto Rico. You and I both know that these two countries have a fine tradition of baseball. They also have many players in the game today. Just thought you might want to know it .

I know what you are thinking. Where will this stop.? Well, honestly Daddy, I do not know. The baseball people tried Canada and only one of those teams has survived. In my opinion this Bud Sealy , Commissioner Of Baseball , has no authority. Maybe they ought to go back to when a suspension was that , a suspension.

Well, that is some of the things that are changing. No, the designated hitter is still around and I don’t expect they will change it any time soon. Sad , so sad , all of this.

A good thing though, I can still get some teams on the radio. I remember those times we would listen to the games together. Also we can get more and more of them on t v . I am happy for that. There is some talk of making the World Series a pay per view thing. Daddy , I won’t even mention the All Star Game . It seems to be in a shamble.

I hope this does not upset you , but I wanted to bring you up to date on some things.

Daddy, I will mention this again, my position on the Yankees has not moved an iota. On that you can rest well.

One more thing, T A Parker has a son that is pitching in the Brewers organization. Imagine a boy from Bay Georgia in professional ball. He is at A A ball but he seems to be doing good.

Your son ...Ren

(Added 4/26/04)

That is what Thomas weighed at his arrival, Friday March 19, 2004.

Yes my latest and newest grandson is here and I am happy to report that it seems all is well. Like any good baby he only cries when he is hungry, tired, wet or needs to be held and sung too.

I know it is better for the males species that women have the babies. I don’t deny this . I respect them and have much admiration for someone that would knowingly take on a project that will change their life, figure, health, emotions, finances ,household and the list goes on.

Most do it lovingly, willingly ,wonderfully and superbly.

My hat is tipped to you women that do this so us men can have a legacy . That is what one of my friends said when his children were born. “ I now have a legacy.” To see your children have children is another story altogether .

Don’t misunderstand please ; I love my children dearly. I also love my grandchildren. There are now six of them. Four boys and two girls. All with different aspirations in life. One wants to become a lawyer and then a judge. She has the smarts to do it. One hasn’t mapped out a highway in life yet but that is o k , there is plenty of time.

The other four are under age 10 and their priorities change from day to day. I do love to talk with them and hear what is important . The arrival of this last child was very important to his two brothers. They are tickled blue [ it is a boy] . I talked with all the other grandchildren and asked what they thought. Comments were from excited to happy to this quote. “ Well I am glad I’m not a little brother anymore Now I have me a little brother .”

I held this almost eight pound miracle in my arms and told him who I was and that I would do anything for him . Told him I loved him and that a little later I would teach him to bait a hook or throw a curve ball or anything else he wanted me to try.

It was then a visualization came upon me.

We come into this world without anything and we leave it without anything . Physical that is.

All Thomas had was a name . Basically that is all this little guy had. And as my eyes got a little misty , this thought came to me. ‘A name and love. ‘He has a name that would last a lifetime and more. And love too. Love from all of us. As much love as he can handle.

(Added 3/30/04)

Ah, the warmth of spring. How wonderful to feel the sun on your back. See the flowers bloom , trees turn green, and set out tobacco or plant corn and cotton.

That is what spring break was for me when I was in high school.

I think , then , we might have gotten out of school two or three days. Anyway it was right in the busy season of spring time. And all hands were in the field. We set out tobacco , usually, because that was when we were out of school and we were the ‘ hands’.

Things are different now, really different. Now a vacation seems to be planed because the kids are out of school for a week. Some head to the beach, some to the pool but none to the tobacco patch.

Once I asked my daddy if I might go to the beach with some friends. He looked at me in a strange way. Momma reached across the dinner table and put her hand on my forehead to see if I had a fever. Daddy wanted to know if I had been ‘ into something’ . “ You haven’t been fooling around with some homebrew from somewhere , have you ?’

I assured him I had not.

He continued to give me that strange look I can very well remember it. it was a look of consternation, bewilderment, and a little anger.

Later momma asked me for sure had I been running with the wrong crowd and did I feel o k . ? I told her no and yes.

My older brother even looked at me in a sort of ‘I don’t know ‘ kinda way.

Later in the afternoon my brother drew near to me and asked if I felt o k . “ Momma and daddy think you might have breathed too much tractor exhaust. Have you?”

I told my brother I had not but that I wanted to go to the beach for a day or so with some of my friends.

My brother looked me dead in the eye and said “ Ren, You better not talk of that again and when these thoughts come into your mind, close your eyes and push them away. You can overcome these thoughts. You only have to try . And another thing , If you mention it again , Momma is going to give you a large dose of Syrup Of Black Drought. She thinks you need a good purging or cleaning out. “

I Did not mention it again to anyone. I surely wanted to go but I could not risk a couple of teaspoons full of that laxative.

One thing I did not want was a purging or cleaning out. So we set out tobacco and I thought of the ocean.

(Added 3/30/04)

I knew it was Cleotus by the sound of his truck. He was smiling as he pulled into the yard.” Hey Ren . How you been?”

I told my friend that I was good and that I was very happy to see these warm days. He agreed. “ Shore makes my back feel better. Then cold days wuz jest about too much fer me .If the Ole Lady hadn’t a kept the chain saw runnin’, I reckon we would a just froze. She wuz comin‘ with me to brang it back, but Muley Wilson wanted her to look at his old garden tiller. Muley wanted her to see if she could git it to runnin’.”

Cleotus dog Quennie Jr. nuzzled my leg and I rubbed her head. I can most always tell when Cleotus wants to ask me something. “ Say Ren, You reckon Quennie Jr. can stay with you a day or so? Me and the Ole Lady is plannin’ to go see her brother. We won’t be gone but a day or so.”

I told Cleotus it would be fine to have Quennie Jr. with me for a few days and that I was honored that he would ask me to keep her. I also told him that my new grandson was due this Friday.

“ Shouldn’t be a problem , Ren, Queenie jr. is used to children. I know them hospital people ain’t gone want a dog in the hospital but you probably gone want to brang that new grandson down to the truck to see Queenie Jr. shore would be a nice way fer them to git acquainted .”

I told Cleotus I would see what could be done . I also told him that Mindy and her family sends her best wishes to him .

“ Shore wish I could be here to go see yore daughter in the hospital but the wife wants to go see her brother in Alabama. Its her brother’s anniversary. He’s been quit making shine liquor for nearly a year now. Don’t make no more for the public, jest a little fer home consumption.’ Cleotus said.

“ Would you mind puttin’ the saw back under the shelter , Ren, my back still hurts some from the cold weather. Take care of the dog and I’ll see you soon.” My friend added as he pulled from the yard and went down the road.

I know Cleotus wife would enjoy her visit and I felt a little honored that Quennie Jr. was going to stay with me for a day or so. I also think Mindy might be glad Cleotus was going away for a few days too.

But when she is home from the hospital, Cleorus , Quennie Jr. and the new baby can visit some . I know she is looking forward to that.

(Added 3/16/04)

That is what the message on the answering machine spoke. “ Pa this is Nathan, we are going to the hospital Friday morning to get our new baby brother”

I was delighted. My daughter was to have a c section. So I knew this would not take long. And too Nathan[ 10 years old] had said it would be at 7:30 Friday morning. Nathan said he would see me later and said that his momma had wanted him to call me and let me know that it would happen Friday morning.

I got this message Thursday night.

Friday morning I arose and did the few things I need to do. Anxious to get there and greet my new grandson into the world was I. It seemed that I would never get there.

A footnote here. We live in Colquitt County and my daughter uses a doctor in Thomasville.

All the way there I was thinking about what I might say to the new born. In my mind I knew I would immediately love him without end, just as I had the other five. About all I could think of is “ I’m going to have another Buddy” That is what my grandchildren are to me . My Buddies. . My Buddies and me have had some wonderful times.

At the hospital, I walked in and asked what room my daughter was in . ?

“ May still be in the labor room , because I don’t show her anywhere here “ was what the information lady told me. “ But you can go up to the maternity waiting room and someone can direct you to her.” she also added.

“ Let me see now, a Mrs. Webb. no we don’t have a Mrs. Webb here. You sure she is here. “ the nurse asked me.

Yes mam pretty sure . This is the hospital she uses . “ I replied.

‘ Sorry , she is not here . “ The lady repeated.

At times as these, a person’s mind can tell him many things. A car wreck. She had to deliver in another hospital. She is sick. The car broke down. Many thoughts. All bad.

What to do? Call Home . I did .

I called her home and her husband answered. In the course of the conversation I learned that yes indeed, the new baby would be here Friday, just not this Friday, but Friday March 19. Two weeks from now.

Nathan in his excitement to phone Pa had neglected to put the date in the message. I told the nurse that I would see them in two weeks. She laughed and I did too. The trip was not wasted; the day was beautiful and the drive was too.

Just think, March 19, I’m going to get me another “Buddy” Come on little man , Pa is waiting for you.

(Added 3/16/04)

There are some places that I frequent that a body need be on guard at all times. A quick wit , a sharp tongue and skin hard as woodpecker’s lips are all essential to one’s survival.

One such place is where I eat sometime. It is a nice small friendly restaurant that serves good food and has good service. The advice, suggestions , discussions of any subject and the very small amount of gossip is free. Hal doesn’t charge for that, All of the aforementioned are provided by those that participate.

One can learn of the latest goings on in the soap opera world by dropping by and asking one of the ladies working there what is happening. She will tell you in detail . I once asked my friend if she knew that it was really t v and not the real word. The look she gave me would have sufficed but she felt some choice words were due . She explained that yes she knew this was only t v but these same things happened in real life and if I was going to continue to eat there, please move to another table so she could see the t v or come at a different time.

I was not offended. This is the same lady that told the Monday Morning Quarterbacks to get on to another subject, she was tired of football.

Politics are often discussed.

This is a good year for politics. There is most certainly always a topic or person to be dissected . Fragmented or torn apart might be a better expression .

Of course there are the fishing tales and hunting yarns to be told.

This crew will discuss how much weight some guy has not lost since his wife put him on a certain diet. They get on him pretty hard . He takes it .

One man’s wife called him to remind him to pick up one of the children after school. The guy that was not dropping weight spoke of someone being hen-pecked or was it some other term I’ll not use here.

Anyway you get the idea. These places are a lot of fun. But if you play this game with this crowd you can not be thin skinned. You have to have hide that will turn words, barbs and insults aside.

A person must learn to play the game and play it well. Be able to take a joke and at times give one. You can never ever get mad or let anyone even think you are mad. This can be a terrible mistake because it only gets worse.

And these are the same people that will come to your aid when asked.; whether day or night. Friends are great. These places are great. Do I participate in this ritual? Well.....sometime .I do enjoy it .

(Added 3/4/04)

And sometimes seven ,eight, nine or more. That is how many licks it takes to get the ball in the hole.

Yes we were on the golf course. I did not say playing. I said we were there. I had a bag of clubs as did the others. To some , golf is a game of major undertaking. To me it is a good time to be outside, be with friends and have a good time.

We teed off and the first hole was a par four. I had a nine. I was so proud of my score . Then Brad told me the high score did not win, it was the low one. I asked what kind of game is this. The low score wins. Ha!

Well, the next hole some water in it. You got it. Mine went as straight to the water as a Martin to his gourd. Actually mine was not the only one. Some of the others did too.

I did not know you were supposed to use some off color words in this game. Bob and Brad did use some words that were not that bad but might be unprintable .

We had made it through seven or eight holes and I noticed that Bob did not have as many clubs as the rest of us. Not wanting to hurt my friends feelings I said nothing. But I got to feeling bad and ask Kendrick if Bob had any more clubs. If not I would surely let him use some of mine.

“ Nope “ came the reply ” All Bob ever uses is a putter and a three iron .”

How brilliant . . Here the rest of us had a bag full and Bob was using only two. Bob sure knows his game. You have to admire a fellow like that.

I feel that I must point out that Gene was having some problems as well. To me he was hitting the ball from the wrong side. I said nothing. I did think well, maybe this was all he could afford . I am sure those left handed clubs had to be bargain basement or something.

I asked Bob about it. “ He bought them like that “ is what Bob told me. I felt sorry for Gene. I figured that the way he was playing he was trying to make the best of a bad situation Maybe he can get some right handed ones in the future.

I did discover that most of the balls were defective. Most sought water or trees ; some even went into the other fairway.

One more secret to this game. If you hit the ball and it goes into the rough. Just throw it out where you can hit it. No one can be expected to hit a ball in knee high grass or in a in a pine tree thicket There is a good thing about high grass and pine tree thickets. It is like hunting Easter eggs with this crew. You get to see all the course, not just the smooth fairways.

Kendrick said that one guy had a hole in one. That means that he hit the ball and it went in the hole with just one lick. I didn’t say anything but I thought , what is the fun in that? If you did that on every hole , you would miss getting to hit the ball several times on each hole.

(Added 2/8/04)

Parades are nice.

Parades are fun.

Parades are a way of life.

On a Christmas not too long past, I learned a lesson.

The sirens began to blow and the anticipation began to grow. The little ones could not be still. Parents held on their hands or hoisted them upon their own shoulders for a better view. Every one was fidgety. Even Cleoutus Allegood..

"Sirens just plain make me nervous " Cleoutus said ." I never liked them, where you hear a siren you will find trouble. Whether it's a ambulance, a sheriff car or a far truck, well They always have trouble near them."

I told my friend that this was a special time and that sirens and fire trucks were an essential part of a parade.

Cleoutus seemed somewhat irritated.

"Reckon they gone throw out jellybeans"? he asked. " A parade without jellybeans is just plain unheard of. But it is probably for the best though Ren."

Then Cleotus told me a tale he swore was true. It seems some years back, there was a special float that always threw out jellybeans. Not any color jellybeans but red ones. As the float came by the people were tossing jellybeans in every direction. Big folks and little folks scrambled for the jellybeans.

According to Cleoutus , some of the children had not seen candy in a long time. Anyway there was this lady that was wearing open toed shoes and had painted her toenails red. Here came the jellybeans and according to Cleotus, after the scramble for the jellybeans the woman was minus three toenails.

"Such as this can be stopped " Cleotus said " If wimmen wouldn't wear open toed shoes to parades.

Sound advice

Since coming off the School Board, you would not believe the time I now have. Harry Thompson once told me that he was amazed at the time involved . I am too. But now I can breathe a little easier, sleep a little later, unwind a lot, and take life a little easier.

If you wish to call me, then by all means do. I may not be around the phone , or am napping, or watching a Braves day game. Just leave a message after the tone and I'll get back to you. Honestly I will.

Most of you around Bay, GA. know my brother has been sick. Real sick. I 've spent a lot of time with him and helping him most anyway I can. He is better now and that is good.

We joke about things and it is so good to see him laugh.

Haven't done hardly any fishing at all. Don't need to with neighbors like Keith Kidd.

Ever so often Keith and crew drown worms somewhere and he brings me some fish. Cleaned fish. Cooked clean fish. I got good neighbors. All around me are good people. When I was sick they responded in a real positive way. Thank you all.

Golf. Bob Meister refuses to go take another whipping at my hands. He uses some lame excuse about playing on Wednesday. He knows that I am rather busy on Wednesdays.That is the day I report to Moultrie Livestock . It is a day of hard work and fun. Some people have asked why I do it. Go work at a cow barn all day? I'll tell you .

I enjoy it. These are good people to be around. We laugh a lot and often. Randy, Louise, Fireball, Virgil, C.J. , Doc and of course Steve. Maybe at a later time I can tell you some stories about this bunch. Back to golf. Anytime Bob. Anywhere. Just bring your 3 iron and putter. [Those are the only 2 clubs he uses.]

I can usually be found at Rod Edwards store sometime of the morning. His crew is very gracious to put up with me. There is nothing like Bay store or Harry Allen's store in Funston. I know every little community has a gathering place or watering hole. Arnett Milling Co. is a ready stop for a lot of us.

I mention these places by name because if you are looking for the truth in fishing, hunting peanut yeilds, cotton yeilds, how smart some one's kid is, then pass them by. The truth ain't there folks, at least when it comes to bragging. You can ,however, find good service, good food, cold drinks, a warm friendly atmosphere and an occasional rumor. I did not say a lie or an untruth. I said an occasional rumor. Sorta like what the ladies might hear at the hairdressers, super market or perish the thought , church. Remember, an occasional rumor.

Afternoons might find me in the cow pasture. The coyotes have gotten real populated and at times when a baby calf is born, the coyote tries to make a meal out of the calf. I try to see that this doesn't happen. Sometimes if the feeling is right , I will walk cotton rows or peanut fields looking for arrowheads. It is hard to explain but you get a feeling an arrowhead is near. If you hunt arrowheads, then you know the feeling.

I try to check on Eddie and his gang. This is a most difficult task. Every one expects me to keep up with him and his brothers . Sometimes Ben and I will have a meal together. Each one of us will tell the waitress that it is the other's birthday. Jerry no longer eats with us just on that account. Neither will Tom Stallings. Neither will a lot of folks for that matter. The Western Sizzlin girls have collected much tips for happy birthdaying someone for us. Thanks.

I try to catch a cold drink from Harry Allen in Funston or Rod's at Bay in the afternoon.Usually by this time I'm at the computer . Writing about my 8 years on the School Board is a lot of fun. I hope to have a book out on that in the not too far future.

I have a novel going and another that is forming in my mind.

Nights are usually spent writing. or watching The Braves. I will watch a good movie at times. I spend time with my children, either by phone or in person. Nathan can now say "Pa". Clay is growing up and Rebecca is following right behind him.

The dating scene? Lately I haven't been out with anyone. It seems that has been put on the back burner for a while . I've been working on several projects and just haven't met anyone . I like to go out to dinner and a movie . My life is not nearly as complicated as it once was. Sometimes I'll cook up something. Sometimes Mindy brings something.I appreciate it too.

Either in the afternoon or in the mornings I try to check on the horses. There are 2 fine colts and we are expecting another soon. They too are a lot of fun.

Cleotus Allegood drops by sometimes and we talk politics or 'Rasslin. Cleotus has lost a little weight . He hasn't been sick. He said the hot weather had just taken the strength right out of him. He also said he wanted to be in shape for the olympics , said he might volunteer some time for the olympics. That should be interesting. Said not one cannonball or bellyflop was done over at the divin' place. He was a little disappointed.

I have a routine . One that is not rigid at all. It must be said that I try to stay busy. I love to write and I hope that you have enjoyed this as much as i have.

I have to mention Brenda , Donna, Christy, and Daisy; they know what I want to eat .It is either slaw dogs or pecan twirls. Depending of course on the time of day. Thanks ladies.

Willie Williams was as good a friend as there ever was. Especially to me. Many times we talked about the future of the Jr. High and many times I told Willie " Hold on, let's see this thing thru." He would look at me , scratch his head and wonder aloud "Boss the library is falling down, we getting rain in almost every room, we running out of storage space, and I can get you a list of more things if you like."

Academic wise Willie might have been the best on his level. He always fought for the student and the teachers. In the entire system Willie Williams lived academics. He stayed abreast of the latest teaching techniques and ...... Willie loved Packer football.

Our little crew of West stand , Section E , Top 5 or so rows are sure going to miss this guy. He was so much fun to be around. Lamar Culpepper would openly question Willie's ability to pass judgment on anything. Willie would return the favor to Lamar equally as well. Not wanting a good thing to pass unnoticed, I would join forces with Willie against Lamar and often times these 2 would conspire against me. Or 2 of us would hold court against the other. It didn't matter. We enjoyed each other and the games.

When The Packers won the State Championship in 1994, Willie grabbed my hand and said "Boss, 15 and 0. It's hard to believe. I'm proud of these boys and the team and the community." A small tear came in his eyes. He shook Lamar's hand and those around him.

He got his school fixed. He knew that we were fighting to save the small community schools. He was patient . He has a school named after him.

Willie , If you are watching and listening, I do need you back. You see Lamar still doesn't know anymore now than he did. I sure miss you. Both me and Lamar do.

By now you get the idea. There are many favorites and I'm sure you know of many more.

I would like to add another.

Porches and swings.

Yes , all porches should come complete with swings. Swings are made to enjoy. Just like rocking chairs are made to rock, swings offer whatever speed you want to travel. If one merely wishes to nap, what better place? Suppose you have your sweety and he or she wishes to cuddle, a swing is the answer. Maybe a little one is restless, swing them. Watch the sun rise or set, then do it in a swing. Meditate? Swing.

My Daddy spent a lot of his spare time in a swing. Either dozing or cooling off. The swing that is on the front porch of where he used to live has been there a long time. It is only the second to be put there , if my memory serves me correct.

There is a friend that lives not too far away that loves a swing as good as anyone I know.

Early morning time finds him either putting on his shoes or resting before he starts a long day. Afternoons can find he and family perched on the front porch, the swing is usually full.

Duell Strickland is the name and swinging is his game. Many times I have seen Duell and Gwanna past time in their swing. Once Duell took a little vacation time and most every morning he was in the swing. Watching the sun rise from his front porch swing certainly must be one of his favorite pastimes. If ever a man derived so much pleasure from a swing it is Duell Strickland.

I'm going to have to stop more often and help him swing. Come to think of it , he don't need no help.

And I can't say as I blame him.

The drug people were bringing out a considerable amount of marijuana from a farm that Andy was farming. I think they inquired as to who was farming the place and to whom the place belonged. They already knew this I imagine. I think they wanted to see if Andy could talk.

Later he said that his heart could be seen beating outside his shirt and the ringing in his ears kept him from hearing much.

Eddie asked him if he thought about getting in his truck and leaving. "More than once"Andy offered. "But then I knew they would open up with whatever weapons they had and it would be over."

 What he did was what the right thing to do. He went to the officers and explained that this was none of his doing and that he knew absolutely nothing of what they drug out of Bridge Creek. The drug people knew that , because I am sure they had been watching the area for a good while.

Andy still gets a lot of kidding about this. An episode like that would scare the wax outta me too.

Just about every publication has a sweetheart section. You can meet people and broaden your horizons as they say. There are folks from every walk of life and backgrounds, all seeking friendship or a possible rtelationship.

How do I know so much about it? I called 'em and listened for a while and hung up.Some were way out of my league. Some were real short with their message and others were quite wordy. But most all of them expressed what they did not like.

They wanted honesty, non smoker, no drugs , no games, no kids, kids o.k, good looking a must, sense of humor, tall, short, church goer, movies, sports and the list is as diverse as the people are.

As I listened to some of them (these are women, I didn't listen to what the men wanted) I could sense some had been battered, some heartbroken, some unsure about taking a step like this, and some were just looking to find a friend.

It could probably be exciting to talk to someone you have never seen and maybe go out.

What do you do then? Does a guy still open the doors for these ladies? Do you go in their ride or in mine? Do you eat a 'burger or a steak? I f they say it doesn't matter, what do you do? Should a fellow go to a fairly nice place to eat, will this be a sign you are fiancially secure? If you eat tacos are you an el cheapo? Will they even ride in a pickup?

Will twenty dollars cover a meal , movie, and cold drink? Only if you catch the afternoon movie and get a cold drink at the local 7-11.

I haven't dated a whole lot in the last 2 years. I wouldn't know if it would be proper to bring a small flower to give to a lady on a first date? To me it would be o.k. Do you kiss goodnight or is a firm handshake in order? I f you would like to get to know this lady a little better , do you ask her then for another outing or do you wait and call later? I recall the time when a younger brother or sister would accompany your date for the evening. Do they still do that? There are no more Drive In Movies around. Where does everyone meet? After the movie do you cruise around town ?

There are a lot of unknowns out there but , I'm pretty sure one day someone will come along and help me answer these questions.

Is a dime sufficent to keep in case you need to call home? I'm thinking a quarter might work, or does it take a calling card and a 7 number digit? How am I gonna remember all this. ? Do we have to be by ten or eleven? What is my tag number? Gosh I don't know.

My friend eats dinner.

I eat supper. Yet we both had the same meal.

"It's easy " he said"That is the way I was raised. We had breakfast, lunch and dinner"

A good question. And there is not an easy answer.

Time was it meant tipping your hat to a lady. I can remember when men actually took their hat from their heads in a lady's presence. I'm going back a long time now, to another era.

Door opening was considered in very good taste as well as yes mam.

Stay with me I'm getting there.

At our house the number one rule was to not be a smart mouth. A lad could be beat within a breath of his life for that offence. For a long time I thought it carried the death penalty.

As I grew older, I began to understand what Momma was trying to teach us younguns.

To respect others and to let everyone have some space.

Once after having received punishment that I thought was going to leave me maimed for life[ my oldest sister maintained momma never hurt me when she whipped me, that I hollered a lot] I found myself in the hall licking my wounds and wishing I would not be able to walk for days, that would show them, I thought.

Anyway there is where the great big family Bible was kept. It appeared I would be able to walk so I pulled out the Bible to have something to do. My life was forever changed.

Opening the book I found notes scribbled about someone that had died, blood types of certain people, a few phone numbers, and other things of sure value. Thumbing thru I came on a picture of a being with wings plunging a sword thru people. I saw an ocean of water open and people walking into it. A display of lions and a man setting in their midst.

In the back part of this book there was a man dieing : nailed to a cross of some kind. In the background were those winged beings as far as the eye could behold. People were crying .

A boy small as I knew this was something to behold.

Later, I asked Momma about all this. Her answer was simple. "You won't understand now, but later you will. Fear God for this is HIS story. Fear HIM. " This really got my attention. Ever since that time those images have remained plain in my mind. I know that God is a lot of things. Love .Trust. Stableness and a whole lot more. Never ever forget though to fear HIM. Fear not the one that can take the body . but fear the one that can take body and soul. When you learn this : then you are God fearing.

Have you ever noticed that there are a multitude of talk shows. You can watch two women argue over their man. You can watch a learned panel of nobodies disagree among themselves. If you can stomach it ,you can see a group of men explain how they found out they were gay or some women explain why they love each other so very deeply. Most times I don't watch that junk.

However, the other day I saw a program where the empaneled group was speaking of their former lives. One knew for sure she was Joan of Ark. One guy was on one of the ships that Columbus sailed to the new world. Another knew Sheakspear personally . And the other was of course Billy The Kid. All had convincing reasons as to why they knew who they were.

I'm sorry but I began to laugh. Not one of these people was an ordinary working person.

Just once I'd like to see someone that was named AbDul and was a used camel dealer.

How about a fellow that was an oarsman on a slave galley. Better yet,a lady that retrieved boomerangs that won't come back. Maybe a woodgatherer for Marco Polo, But not the great Polo himself. Where is the first man to insult The Great Kubla Kahn? In several different places I would guess. He's not likely to show.

Do you get my point.? So many talk shows, so much wasted time.

Eighty six and a half. A good long life.

That is how long he lived. February of 92 he drew his last breath. I have been witness to less than a half dozen deaths and his was by far the easiest . He simply stopped breathing. But there was a lot of pain and agony for everyone up to that point.

Daddy had been in and out of the hospital for a couple of years before this last time.

He had emphysema as a result of sixty plus years of smoking Prince Albert and later he went to a filter brand. Parkinson disease took its toll as well. However the treatment and medicine for that was remarkable . For him it was a miracle drug. But there was no drug for his congestive heart failure and his kidneys. They simply wore out.

I suppose everyone thinks about what we would do if we had to make a life or death decision. It's not easy folks ,especially when it someone else life. I remember that morning very well. Pneumonia had set in and his heart was struggling. The Dr. moved him to intensive care and inquired of my brother and my 2 sisters and myself what we wanted to do if the worse came.

Daddy had said before that he did not wish to be put on a respirator. We had to make a decision . I thought I could easily do it. My mind changed from one side to another. I prayed and prayed and the answer came in the form of Bill Yearta.

I had called Mr. Yearta that morning and asked him to get Sam to the Hospital. Being an Assistant Superintendent, Mr. Yearta could help things along. He went to the Colquitt County Sr. High and picked Sam up. The staff there had him ready to go. When they arrived I told Sam that his Pa-Pa was dieing and that if he wished to see him he needed to do it now. I walked the few steps to end of the corridor and began to cry. I felt a hand on my shoulder and Bill Yearta seemed to know what was on my mind. He said " Let God handle it".

Daddy stayed one night in intensive care. He told the nurses and Dr. that he did not like it up there , he wanted his own room back, and not to hook him to any machines. Next morning they moved him back to his room and about a week later we brought him home. for the last time. The pneumonia had all but disappeared, the parkinson was under control and his heart was somewhat better. Truly a miracle.

God did handle it. God let that old man help to establish his own fate , to an extent.

A little later he suited up for his last battle. He and I were talking one late night . We were talking about his relationship with God . Daddy told me he was secure with where he was and not to worry about him. He also told me that he was so tired of fighting these battles.

His death came easy for him. After the last breath a small circle about the size of a quarter appeared on his forehead and spread over his body. I do think until this day, this was his soul leaving.

Barbara, my wife at the time, remarked " That was so easy for him" and it was. We put him in a casket dressed in his white shirt and his overalls.Bedroom slippers on his feet. He wanted it that way.......and he got it.

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